Everything that Glitters (Ain't Always Gold)

( *trumpet playing off-key notes* )

Aw man!

Put that ol' dumb horn down

Hey, Jazzy

Jazzy

Show this boy what some real music 'posed to sound like

He-he-ha!

( *drums and horns set in* )

1-2-3-4

( *Jazzy Jeff starts scratching* )

(Don't stop the rock)

Now that's a record!

Now that's a record!

Go Jazzy, go Jazzy, go

I want to be remembered for the songs that I sing

Not only for the humor, but for the knowledge I bring

To broaden the horizons of others is why I rap this

Enlightening minds with my lyrical tactics

In life everything ain't always what it seems

But people are enchanted by things that gleam

You know, bright fancy cars, big yachts and mansions

On the beaches of Aruba with a girlie romancin

Now I'm about to tell you a very interesting fable

More fun than when you first got cable

The moral to be learned from this story to be told

Is that everything that glitters ain't always gold

On July 11th I was sittin at home

Talkin to my girlfriend Gina on the telephone

Flippin through the newspaper checkin the news

When I saw an advertisement for a Carribean cruise

It said, 'Sunny skies and romantic nights

On an incredible ship' - and I got hype

It said it's like the _Love Boat_, baskin in the sun

Promisin fun for you and for everyone

I said, "That's dope! Baby, you're down?"

She said, "Yeah, we could leave right now!"

The very next day I put the check in the mail

And one week later we were ready to sail

The brochure said that the boat was large

But it was nothin but a  broken-down barnacle barge!

And if it wasn't for my girlfriend, I wouldn'ta went

Because the captain was a cross-eyed hunchback with a limp

The cruise was paid for and the food was free

So I said what the hell and set out to sea

It didn't take long to notice something was wrong

The ship was a mess and we were the only ones on it

I didn't wanna panic, so I chilled for a while

Till the captain pulled up to what we thought was a deserted isle

We looked on to the beach and almost went bezerk

We saw 300 natives with spears and grass skirts!

The said, "Hung-a-dung-a-digi-dung-da-doa"

I said, "Hey baby, I guess that means get off the boat"

Their chief said they needed a human sacrifice

I said, "Well, just take my girl - he-he - psyche"

I was jokin, but things got serious

Their leader came out and he was curious

He got in my face and his breath was the worst

I said, "Hey baby, you got some mints in your purse?"

His breath was stinkin with filthy brown teeth

And two big crusty ashy hairy feet

The worst thing, he had no toenails on his toes

And a big Pterodactyl bird bone in his nose

I tried to reason with him, he wasn't with it

He said, "Tenga-shanko," that meant 'forget it'

He said, "Gunga-shang-tang-da-bong-da-boo"

That meant 'tonight we're having Fresh Prince stew'

Then I saw it - no, it's not

The big Indiana Jones people cooking pot!

I wanted to fight em, but there was no way to beat em

I thought to myself, 'Where's Tarzan when you need him?'

Just as they were contemplatin cookin us up

We had a major struck of luck, a Navy ship pulled up

The troops came off and they got us out of the pot

And I said to the chief, "Yo, I get witcha, hops!"

The guy that rescued us said, "I hate to tell you

The captain of your ship, he had just escaped from Bellevue

We've been following him and finally we caught him

We're sorry, there's no way that you can possibly get a refund"

A thousand dollars and a weekend down the drain

But a lesson well learned, so let me explain

There's a very important message that needs to be told

It's that everything that glitters ain't always gold