Bus Driver's Song

*Speaking* "G'day, my name's Tony. On behalf of myself and the coachline I'd like to thank you for choosing to drive with us today. I'm a local, I hope I can impart some local knowledge. If you've got any questions don't hesitate, just sing out. For those who are interested, there's the Old Bridge, swaying away. Replaced by the New Bridge in 1972. Funny thing, the Old Bridge used to be called the New Bridge. Yeah, bit of a funny thing. Up ahead there's the bronze of Bluey, a local sheepdog, who became a member of Regional Council. It was a bloody great day for dogs, not just here, but everywhere in the North Island. There's the town's oldest street. That's the Museum of Meat. There's the town's largest industry, that's the sock factory, hence the giant sock."

*Sings* The town hall

Note the mosaic wall

Well, there are 5,600 tiles on that wall

I know, I counted them all

The local school, the local swimming pool

Which was opened by the Governor General

Back in 1952

Where I was caught with a friend aged 11, sniffing tractor fuel

We thought we were pretty cool, breaking them changing shed rules

But do you see up there?

The banner hanging in the air?

The Presbyterian Fair

Well, I never go, there's too many Presbyterians there

But if you're interested, the fair's in the third weekend of August every year

But don't bother entering the raffle

It's always won by some kid of the Mayor

Do you hear that sound?

The town clock, heard from anywhere in town

Until 1960, it was a little place in Norway

We bought it for a hundred pounds

Rumor has it they sold it cheap because the chimes were too loud

But every time I hear that sound it makes me so proud

Look to your left, what a beautiful sight

It's Paula, Paula Thompson, nee Paula Wright

Look at her hair, it's still gorgeous, even now

Flowing like the Womahonga River

Which incidently, is to your right

And it's the largest, in the area

In terms of volume

Everybody, look at Paula, look at Paula Thompson

I always thought I'd marry Paula

But some things just don't work out that way

Well, that's the most important thing you'll learn on the tour today

That, and the fact there'll be a toilet break

At the information center near the manmade lake

*Speaking* "Yeah, I'll just ask you one favor, if you do see Paula in town later on that you don't mention the details of the tour. I'd appreciate that. Same goes for my wife, Gloria. You'll recognize her, she looks a hell of a lot like Paula, actually. She often gets mistaken for Paula, but, um, well, she's not Paula, that's for sure, no."

*Singing*

Paula Thompson, born in '54

To a family of four

To the family next door

Take me back next door

Paula Thompson, nee Paula Wright

That's her old house, number 39

Number 41 was mine

If this old coach could go back in time

I'd drive to 1979

Take me back...

Take me back, take me back

(Take, take, take, take me back)

Take me back, take me back

(Take, take, take, take me back)

Take me back, take me back, take me back, take me back, take me back, take me back...

*Speaking* "Yeah, sorry about that. I always get a little bit emotional on the corner of Rutherford and Brown Streets. But, um, that is truly the end of the tour, so mind your step, yeah, good on you."