When No One Is Watching

I wanna smash my face against the wall for even thinking 'bout it
It's not me and I know, so just forget about it
Just let me understand why
I'm having thoughts that I ain't had before
I need to know before it's too late

So let me dwell in the madness
That's in my head and put an end to the bastard
Just give me one more day
And I swear I'll never think like this again

I promise I'm not lying, I'm trying my hardest
I promise I'm not lying, I'm trying my hardest

Am I? (Am I?)

I wanna smash my face against the wall for even thinking 'bout it
It's not me and I know, but when I'm gone they won't even notice
There's only so many times that I can fake a smile
That I can fake a smile
But when I choose to show face
They reply "man, it's been awhile"

(Man, it's been awhile)
(It's been awhile)
How can I control the thoughts in my head
When I can't even face the day on my own?

It's fucking hard to exist
Was there something I messed up, something I missed?
'Cause I'm telling you man, these thoughts have taken over me
Make me see, make me breathe
Make me live, make me live

I've forgotten how to be happy
It's not that I don't remember
It's just not something I can find
'Cause I don't know what's happened
The best I can do is show face and fake a smile
It's too fucking hard to exist
Everything is against me and I feel so guilty for feeling this way
Maybe it's for the best, I pushed everyone away
Maybe it's for the best, maybe it's for the best

And so, the real answer is I don't wanna be here anymore
I've pushed everyone away that I love
Maybe it's for the best that I go, that I-