A ballad

I don't know why I'm up here
I mean, on stage
So many years, a whole life on my dead case
In and out of spotlights washing over me

Plugging in instruments, no monitors
A couple is kissing by the exit door
A bigger part of me wants to come down, but if I do
I can't come, come back up

Hold my mic stand, push things around
Roll in the cables, send in the sounds
I couldn't tell you why I keep singing, only how

You said your tinnitus
Is a note through your head
Singing a jet stream from alive to dead
Seeing to seer, I summon the dead back
To my, my body

I open my mouth, sing to the light
Pick the darkest vowel, "A" for "alright"
It's so dumb and so me to think this means anything
But it must be better to die in sound than to die dead
Dead, right?

Can you hear my voice?
I don't know why I'm up here
I mean, on stage
It's the only page