Anthropophobia

I can't find any words, why?
They run away from me
Choking a barely heard
"Why can't I breathe?"
Piercing with gazes "please don't look" I cry
How many times I need to hear rejections and goodbyes
I'll hide away, a hide and seek
Still recycling
A heart kept under lock and key
Another wall too tall for me
I'll never reach your goals, too high
Back to starting line
Please, leave me be
Listen to me just this time
I'm scared I know
But I worry what they'll think of me as tears will flow
See me trembling a tragedy
I see!
Maybe I'm not like the others surrounding me
I finally see
Run away
I'll flee from all the kindness
Burn it in the flames
I'll cast it all away in pain
But why?
Did it all have to end up still destroyed by time
I wanna cry
"Slip and fall, all I do is make mistakes"
"People laugh but I deserve the laughing and the hate"
And again in fear waiting for the sun to rise
If it didn't though I guess I really wouldn't mind
Always uncertain and looking out for enemies
Believing deeply that someone didn't like me
A demon whispering and laughing deep inside my head
"How does it feel to know they rather you dead"
Fear and loathing
It'll loop into a lone breath
Hurting terribly
Annoying kind of nonsense?
Smug snobbery
Emotionally thoughtless
Always gonna be the same and sigh
"It's complex"
Is it this at all?
Maybe even that?
Doesn't matter in the end
We'll lie once again
But tell me
Who can we blame?
We're really all the same
Forget me please
You may as well if I continue breaking things
I'll break until I'm pieces that can fade
Why couldn't I just get that very normal right
To live my life?
My hands that reach
I let go of them far too many times I think
I kept them every single one
Aah
Why do all these hemorrhage out of me
Every time?
Tell me why
"Since the beginning, I had just one option to take"
"But I never found the answer, a way to be saved"
All the obligations crushing me a cruel fate
Yeah, I wish I'd never been born in the first place
The pain inside
The agony and misery I can't deny
Is keeping me from ever moving on
So I again in my deep anxiety
Scream and scream
A fake, a lie
I'm always watching painfully
A fatal cry
I'm begging that my feet will move
Aah
But now you see I don't really want to end my life today
Don't wanna die today
"This life is all about finding the right things"
"Every sign is saying listen to your heart that sings"
Break of dawn again, I whisper something unafraid
Then I realize "I wanna see another day"