Autofiction Detail

Awake at 3AM and pacing
You were working, I was dazed
In the kitchen tracing circles slowly
With the turning of the fan blades
And I left from our apartment
To the corner, took a right
I saw shadows in the darkness casted
Intermittent in the flashing light
Of traffic signals blinking
Somehow backwards in my eyes
I saw
A stranger in the glass reflected
No one near me, but it can't be mine
And the bible tells of revelations past
Sudden visitations come to prophets stumbling on the path
And a flash of light alive in night arrives
A voice from out of time proclaims
Saul on the road to Damascus
Had a vision and the brightness struck him blind
And so he changed his name
Mine was no man, I was nothing
Going nowhere I was gone
I was naked, I was vacant buildings
I was blending with the blight
I was ghostlike, I was hopeless
For no reason said a prayer
Let some holy spirit moment
Come and force in me a change
A camera hung to capture
On a traffic signal light
And a flash on the path to Damascus
And a change when Saul went blind
I had visions in the city every day
Despite it all and what I saw
My sight remained
And the prophets in town all go on
Back and forward, nowhere, directionless
In their blankets bending down
Shine and strike, not with blinded eyes but sight
To look around now to see and to notice them
To see the smoke cloud climbing high
And in the night sky find it
An image where the light shines
And a sign from up above
To see the tent now, burning bright
And to hear it crying out
The voice of Christ at night
When he stumbled all alone and burned alive
Under the streetlights when he died
Only traffic signals cameras to watch his life extinguished
Glowing white down on the corner by the bus stop, dead
A woman on the sidewalk, narcanned back to life
She rose again, walked away when the paramedics came
Resurrected by a stranger, she disappeared on Easter
I was there
When they pulled into the turnaround
I was standing glowing red at emergency
Looked in every window trying to find you inside
To find a sign glowing in the hallways at the hospital at night
I can see it now, the place where I'd headed since I left
Always here you, I felt ashamed
You'd see me first and know how badly I needed you
Now I turned around, heading homebound
Every current on the ground pulled me back to you
To stumble on the pathway backwards
A burden and gift to see
Every moment we're alive, a disaster
A tragedy to be and breathe
A curving road a light above
The labored veins to funnel us
A beating heart and us the blood
Thinning by the day
A heavy load, the weight of love
A tongue of flames, a welcome flood
A beating heart and us the blood
A beating heart
A beating heart
A tongue of flames, a light above
The voice of God, a smoking gun
A beating heart
A beating heart
A beating heart
A beating heart
A beating heart
A beating heart
A beating heart
A beating heart
A beaten dog, the snarling teeth
The face of God, a light above
A beating heart and us the blood
In all of us a beating heart