Sixteen

All the paths you took to get you here
All the ones you didn't take
And the road they told you rolled up
Straight to heaven's heavy gate
Find Saint Peter at the doorway
In a tollbooth, waiting

And I climbed the steps behind you in anticipation
To see my future from the rooftop up a spiral staircase
Barely 20 watched my whole life in a foreign nation
Then chased that fading dream away I slept for days and days

When I woke up in your apartment
Could you see it on my face?
That I didn't recognize the room?
That I thought it was some neighbor's place?
25 with all my errors piled
I laid my head between your knees
And fell asleep that way for weeks

When I woke up on lunar new year
It was 2023
Rabbits running in the alley
Lion dancing in the street
And past the teeth on every one
I saw my old self taking shape
Hovered ghost, like in the flames
And in the smoke, he slowly dissipated

If you could go and take your pictures off the wall
Would you do it? Would you take them all
Down fast? Try to break
Take them all into your arms
And throw the errors out? If you wanted to
Would you take them all down?

Would you change it all? Try to change it all?
Would you make preparations for a funeral?
Stage it how you want it go? If you knew that you
Would you take them all down? Would you change it?
Tell the story how you wanted it told?

How would you want it to be?
Where would you want to end up?

Where did you think you'd end up?
On the pavement
Spent drunk in the basement
Then sleepwalking all through the house?
Nights on the rooftop
With strangers, the places
That sunrise we watched and went blind

A mansion in the Hamptons
A quiet suburban street
A highrise in Manhattan
20 children at my feet
Where would I be if I had never gotten better at all?
Who would I be if you decided not to wait up for me?
Who would I be?

Take the pictures down from off the wall
I wanna see it all
Remember everything
I take the pictures down

The days in our apartment
That skylight in the bedroom
The blooming window garden
My life in color with you
I keep the pictures hanging
I'm writing captions out
I'm framing every single moment
Going forward

Where would I be if I had never gotten better at all?
Where would I be if I had never gotten better at all?
What would they say if there's a heaven after everything?
What of my life has brought me?
I keep the pictures hanging