You Ascendant

I had visions of you wandering alone
Daylight bursts against printed flowers on your dress
And the sun in your hair, silver white
I watched you walk purposefully along the shoulder of the highway
Indifferent to traffic and it to you, as if neither existed
Alone there like all of us

And the summer colors shone bright
Open fields of goldenrod
The sky a soft stone
Sapphire and selenite
Agate, blue lace
And a pale white bone and brush

All things to dust return
But you keep on
Heading westward quick down Fulton street
As everything beyond compelled you
Walk now there and you could not take your eyes away from it

And I could not either

Quickening your pace
Walking in the wind blown backwards towards home
Your face expressionless
You stop suddenly still as carved stone
Waiting for the world to catch up
And I watched you in awe always even in dreams
You raised your arms

A cross shaped like a monument
Feeling permanence there
And denying her death and yours
And traffic stopped to watch

I knew you'd leave then
Ascending heavenward to breathe
Never in panic again
Peace for you forever somewhere

I carried on in my visions
Tired and lost for years this way
Only half-aware of the light
Shining against the dark
Bright until we die

When I die, let me do so beside you
When we die, let us go at the same time

When the end comes will we see
Bright lights burst through the evergreens
Feel the blown sand at our ankles
Or hear rustling needles in the breeze?
Who could know?

If we could choose the way we leave
Fill out circles on a ballot sheet
Vote the way we'll go
All the noise will cease finally and forever for us both
What would we do?

How would we go?

Would we pass out
In barracks beneath bed sheets?
Brand new sneakers on our feet
Two by two into a common tale
Peacefully to sleep, forever dream?

When will we leave?
Will we all just disappear?

Or can we be hung up in a gallery
Displayed permanently
Forever with family and painted in frames
Variations on a theme?

How will we leave?

Cut in frieze
Displayed in glass cases
Death on the mind of living things
Can it be quietly?

Like in the morning
Drinking coffee with the sunrise
Below the leaves in the window of our bedroom
To the garden or just drift off watching TV
6:30 in the evening
Never see it coming at all

Or can we live forever here?
Be buried in our best memories
Drunk beside that drainage ditch
Our road trip East of Denver maybe
Prison in periphery, life too beautiful
Too sweet despite everything
Could we choose to stay forever there and never leave?

How long do I have to fix it?
The years lost too indifferent, afraid
Or you'll burst to earth around me
Like lightning at night
How'd I miss a thing so bright

And where does the shame come now if never away?
No one to blame but me, I wanted everything

How'd I fail so badly?

I had visions of you wandering all alone down every city street
Light shaded everything at once and flower burst against your knees

And you asked for me to leave

Graceful in your sprinting now through the wind
Your skin pale silver lightning
The seasons of your grief
But you are free now

And you asked for me to leave

I loved you deeply then and now as ever
Never waver once again at all in any timeline
I will bend them all to find you back to breathe

And you asked for me to leave

I will wrench you from those dreams
Release the flowers in the street
Burn the monuments in plywood and ascend them
To be me everything you need
I will be everything you need
I will be everything you need
I will be everything you need