god?

I guess it kinda hurts sometimes even when I say I think I'm fine
It's all upon my shoulders, I'm only getting older
I'm losing all the faith I had which isn't much, but it's still sad
And I guess I kinda scare myself when I realize how much I've changed
They think me pretty odd because I don't believe in God
But I'm learning how to pray anyway, hey
But I do believe in something, I just don't know what it is
I can't put my finger on it, but I hope that it exists
So I lean into a faith that I've never called my own
I look back and call it fate like there's some reason I don't know
'Cause I'm searching for a sign
Something more divine
Sitting up and I'm
Praying 'cause it don't hurt to try
Praying 'cause I'm already high
If I keep going up, then I'm fine
If somebody answers the door in the sky
My first question is gonna be
"Why?"
There's a voice that I am hearing, there's a pounding in my head
Gotta search for greater purpose so I'm one more step ahead
So I lean into a faith that I've never called my own
I look back and call it fate like there's some reason I don't know
And I question my existence and if things are meant to be
I block out all of the noise and all the faces that I see
Try to focus on the image of where I wanna be
I'll figure out my future, manifest my destiny
Searching for a sign
Something more divine
Sitting up and I'm
Praying 'cause it don't hurt to try
Praying 'cause I'm already high
If I keep going up, then I'm fine
If somebody answers the door in the sky
My first question is gonna be
"Why?"