Cool Down Willard

Cool down, Willard (Cool down)

You're just too hot for the farm

I said, cool down, Willard (Cool down)

You gotta throttle back on the charm

Yeah, my wife and my grandma and my aunt May

Go wild when you wave your toupee

I said, cool down, Willard (Cool down)

You're just too hot for the farm

Well, I'm up every morning at the crack of dawn

But my wife's already up and got the TV on

Just sittin' there, starin' at the test pattern

You can't budge her from that spot

She's waitin' for that early morning Today Show

With that sexy weatherman, her superhero

Old debonair, devil-may-care Willard Scott

"Oh, Willard, you're just the sweetest thing"

"Now sit down, grandma, and put your teeth back in

You're drooling all in your cream of wheat"

"Oh, Willard"

Now grandma just ain't been the same

Since her last birthday when Willard mentioned her name

Right there on coast-to-coast TV

Why, we had to step up her medication

And the wife don't cook nor clean the home

She's talkin' all day on the telephone

'Bout what Willard said, what Willard wore

Why, it's a serious situation

Said, cool down, Willard (Cool down)

You're just too hot for the farm

Cool down, Willard (Cool down)

You gotta throttle back on the charm

Now there's just so much these women can take

You're the hottest thing to ever hit Wild Lake

I said, cool down, Willard (Cool down)

You're just too hot for the farm

"Oh, here I am, Willard"

"Come and take me, you handsome hunk"

"Now grandma, don't get yourself all riled up"

"Come on, Willard"

"Grandma, what have you got on?"

Now grandma ain't been acting like she should

Since she rode off to Frederick's of Hollywood

She just puts on her little outfit

And waits for Mister Excitement with the boutonnière

The whole darn thing has just gone too far

Why, they've even started talkin' 'bout gettin' a VCR

So they can watch Willard 24 hours a day

I tell you, it just ain't fair

Cool down, Willard (Cool down)

Why, this is worse than Elvis, or the Beatles

Cool down, Willard (Cool down)

Yeah, the way these women are just throwing themselves at this man

What is it gonna take to get somebody to help me with the chores?

Cool down, Willard (Cool down)

I mean, I'm out here working my fingers to the bone

Cool down, Willard (Cool down)

Milking the cows, slopping the hogs

Cool down, Willard (Cool down)

Feedin' them chickens, I'm sick of this

I tell you, Willard, I'm out here killing myself

And these women are all piled up in the bed there watchin' you on TV

Cool down, Willard (Cool down)

Cavorting around and trampling with their affection

I tell you, Willard

Willard

(Cool down)