Tabloid News

Well don't talk to me about the Wall Street Journal

News Week, Business Week or Time

I read The National Super Market Checkout Examiner

And I get it in a super market checkout line

Read all about it: do it yourself root canals

Not as simple as it may sound

Get all the facts before you start your...yow!

Arkansas woman gives birth to bride, groom and entire wedding party

"Aheh, Lordy, Lordy. I just hope there's enough wedding cake to go round, ah-hoo"

The National Super Market Checkout Examiner

Minds that need examining want to know

Now you can keep your shows like 60 Minutes (60 Minutes)

20/20 and all others of that kind

Just give me The National Super Market Checkout Examiner

It's the only one that lays it on the line

Alabama woman beamed aboard spacecraft

Gives birth to alien life form

"He's a cute little bugger, named him Zoltar

I just wished he'd stay away from that nuclear power plant down the road there though

They claim he a-suckin' off about two million megawatts a day

I told em, he's just a growin' boy"

Just give me The National Super Market Checkout Examiner

It's the only one that lays it on the line

Amazing rooster grows side burns

Plays guitar and clucks "Don't Be Cruel", hen house in an uproar

"Yeah these hens is just mesmerized, don't hardly lay at all no more

Spendin' all their time just listenin' to that ol' rooster sing

I mean they're swoonin all over the place

Yeah, they fight for them little silk scarves he throws every song or two

Heh heh, heck I ain't complainin though, he just give me the keys to his new Cadillac"

So don't talk to me about the Wall Street Journal

News Week, Business Week or Time

Give me The National Super Market Checkout Examiner

And I buy it in a super market checkout line