A Little Blue-Haired Lady

Well you might have read it in the paper

It happened just last week

About the man up on the building

Shootin' people in the street

Well they captured him and took him in

For psychiatric observation

Then they held a press conference

And gave this explanation

They said, "Don't blame his alcoholic father

Or his co-dependent mother

It wasn't his sociopathic sister

Or his transvestite brother

Naw, he just been on the freeway for hours

When he finally lost his mind

There were orange barrels everywhere

And he was stuck behind

A little blue-haired lady

In a big black Oldsmobile

Yeah, you could barely see her peekin' out

Beneath that steerin' wheel!

She couldn't turn that thing around

In a forty-acre field!

A little blue-haired lady

In a big black Oldsmobile

A little blue-haired lady

In a rockin' '98

Doin' twenty miles an hour, flat out

On the interstate

She wouldn't speed up, she wouldn't turn

To the left or right or yield

A little blue-haired lady

In a big black Oldsmobile

Do you remember Pearl Harbor

December seventh, '41?

How the Japanese bombed our fleet

In a sneak attack at dawn?

When Roosevelt asked the Japanese ambassador

"Why didn't you give us warnin'?"

He said, "We send a message but our driver was stuck in traffic all mornin'! Heh heh!"

Behind a little blue-haired lady

In a big black Oldsmobile

You could barely see her tiny fingers

On top of the steerin' wheel

She wouldn't speed up, she wouldn't turn

To the left or right or yield

A little blue-haired lady

In a big black Oldsmobile

Ooh, little blue-haired ladies

In big black Oldsmobiles

If you've ever been behind one friends

You know just how it feels

To see that little blue head a-peekin' out

Beneath that steerin' wheel

Lord, deliver me from blue-haired ladies

And big black Oldsmobiles!

Yes, it was a little blue-haired lady

In a big black Oldsmobile!

Lady, if you don't speed up, you're gonna get a parkin' ticket!