Attention!

Attention, sportsfans: listen up!

Our fearless leader is about to give his eulogy

But before we get started

There's just a couple things I wanna say

So just bear with me

I think you all know me, some of you as Robert

But most of you as Baby Fat

I've been working for Serpentello so long

I think I might be in the band

In all that time, I've never know Tommy Swank

To have a better friend than this guy

But though his heart is heavy, I know he's touched

That you're all here at his side

Now please remember

That though we're all grieving

We shouldn't ever lose sight

That this is meant to be a celebration

Of our dear departed friend's life

So are we gonna have fun tonight?!