Christmas Wrapping 2020 (All I Want for Christmas is a Vaccine)

[Verse 1]

Oh no, oh no

Woke up this morning

Thought I was still dreaming

Album of the year nominees

Seems like Jews are now mainstreaming

News Alert: Oh god what happened?

Wish I was still sleeping

Spent too many days this year

On Tik Tok, drinking wine, and weeping

90 degrees and stores all shut

Biden/Harris, no utter disasters

December 10th, Oh Hanukkah!

No time to Netflix chess grandmasters

So TV off, tried to escape

But remembered our good ol' "Stay in place!"

Bypassed Amazon and Instagram

To locally sourced millennial Judaica

[Verse 2]

Zoom'd my sis and parents up

Mom said my skin looked oily

Changed the subject to the fact

That mom's shirt looks just like a doily

My menorah's lost, I'm breaking out

Depressed from having zero sex

Dad interjects, latkes a mess

The Cuisinart stopped working

[Chorus]

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

2020 has been mighty wild!

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Cut my own hair now I'm Yentl styled

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

2020 has been mighty wild!

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Cut my own hair now I'm Yentl styled

[Verse 3]

Tried to write a Hanukkah song

For the year that's been unending

Called our friend who wrote "Slave Play"

And another one who loves Anime (Jeremy said!)

Reface app, Insta thirst traps

WAP-ing in the mirror

Buy my play it's called "Slave Play"

Wait are we in a Tony campaign?

It's Hanukkah! During COVID-19

What the hell does anything mean?

I stay awake way too late

'Cause Neo-Nazis made Pizzagate

And that for three whole months

In major cities in every state

No food is left on the street

Each other is all that rats ate

[Verse 4]

Seven o'clock, I hear a ring

Look over at my door

See a masked delivery man

Holding four menorahs

One from mom, one from sis

Another from sis, and another from

Our secret fourth sis

Our little Frankie Jonas

To my surprise hers is the best

So simple and unadorned

Burst into tears and began to cry

2020 has been full of lies

But even its most hellish months

Have offered sweet surprises:

Bye bye Trump

We saved Forrest Gump

Zendaya got her trophy

We can't go to restaurants but

My boyfriend made Macaroni!

[Chorus]

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

2020 has been mighty wild!

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Cut my own hair now I'm Yentl styled

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

2020 has been mighty wild!

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Cut my own hair now I'm Yentl styled

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

2020 has been mighty wild!

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Cut my own hair now I'm Yentl styled