This Is My Dinner

Arrived last night to the dark city of Oslo

Along the highway to the hotel, Ben pointed out the snow

I stepped outside, and the cold air pinched my nose

I recalled the many times I’ve come here before to play shows in Oslo

And in all of those times there are so many positive associations

Even playing the So What Club with my old band, the Red House Painters

And my times playing here solo acoustic

There was always a tall redheaded guy following me around

The King of Convenience

And I remember taking off from the venue with a blonde

And her boyfriend came knocking on the back door

Out for my blood

And she sent me out the front door fast

And I went running down the cold street

Watching over my shoulder, my heart was pounding fast

I was worried for my life

And I was young and I was single and I have no regrets about it

When you're in your twenties, in my opinion, nothing should be off limit

I don't really know what her boyfriend's problem even was

It's not like something threatening was going on

She was just jerkin' me off while I watched her suck my thumb

The most memorable drive I ever had in my life was from Bergen to Oslo

There were no signs of life

Now and then, just a single bird or a boat

And the ominous silver-black mountains

Off in the distance along the water

And in that moment I knew why Norway had the market on black metal

I’m pretty sure the movie Trolls was filmed in that area, from what I can remember

But its scenic beauty could never be captured in pictures

Every time I play in Norway, it's been a special time

I played all the cities in Norway

Not just Bergen and Oslo, but also Trondheim

Actually, there are a few that I don’t love that much if you'll allow me to be candid

The city of Tønsberg and the city of Stavanger

Too many dudes with their eyes glued to their phones

I remember telling them the importance of relationships

But it seemed low on their priority lists

My worst memory of Norway was playing a festival in Giske

I got a call that my cat lost her ability to walk

And she was very sick

And I loved that cat more than anything in the world

She shared my bed with me for sixteen years

She was my little baby girl

So I booked a flight out of the island of Giske

With hopes of getting home in time to see my kitty cat

Before she took her last breath

The whole thing was so upsetting

And the anxiety was building up so badly on the plane

And I kept writing in my journal, “Please Pink, don't die on me

Please Pink don't die on me

Please Pink don't die on me when I'm up there in the sky

I'll hate myself forever if I could not kiss you goodbye”

But she waited for me, when I got to my house

She was laying there lifeless on the couch

I told her how much she meant to me, and all the joy she had given me

If there's a god up there, I pray to him that she heard me

And of course, how could I forget my visits to dreamlike Ålesund

Everyone asks me, “Mark, who’s the girl in the song?”

She knows who she is, and to reveal it would spoil it

Leave the song alone, don't ask questions about it

Leave the song alone, make your own connections with it

Leave the song alone, don't ever try to overanalyze it

Leave the song alone, don't dissect it like a dead frog

Leave the song alone

I got a lot of friends in Norway

And I have to say my heart was broken when I heard about the guy who bombed Oslo

And killed the little children on their summer vacation

People in America complained about his sentence being so light

But this shit happens every week in my country

So your country is doing something right

I hate to bring this subject up

‘Cause it causes my stomach to get sick and uptight

My point is that Norway is peaceful

And you’re doing something right

I love so many things about Norway, and how they do Christmas right

The candelabra in the window, it's so subtle at night

When I tell Scandinavians how good they've got it

They just roll their eyes and say

“But it’s so dark through the winter and it gets very depressing”

I'm gonna tell you something, Norway, and this is no lie

I've traveled all around the world and Norwegians have the most beautiful eyes

The only thing I know that had more beautiful eyes than you

Was my precious little cat, her eyes were green and blue

I miss you to death, but I want to thank promoter Bernt Jacobs

My friend from Norway

He's a caring and very thoughtful person

He’s the one who arranged the flight to San Francisco for me

Out of the island of Giske

So I could get home and see my cat and give her one last kiss

And I even remember a time when I played this exact same venue

Some guy in the back seat got up and shouted

“Mark, I got something to tell you”

I said, “Okay, what is it?” and he said, “I hate your fucking guts”

And he rushed off in a huff

I told him, “When you leave and you’re crossing the street, I hope you get hit by a bus”

You gotta understand, he insulted me first

And on tour, I don't sleep much

You gotta understand what I said, that was not me

We all have our moments and that guy was sniffing glue

And I was high on sleep deprivation

Anyhow, I'm over it, I love you all and that's no lie

Of all the countries I've played

Yours is the most organized

And the fjords are so beautiful and the salmon melts in your mouth

And the girls are so stunning

Even the three I met in Stavanger, down south

There is one I'll never forget, how could I not remember?

She promoted my show and she showed me a Snickers bar

And she said, “I’m so fucking broke, this is my dinner"

I said, “If you like, I could give you a few hundred of my Norwegian kroner”

She said, “No ethically, I couldn’t take your money, Mark”

And that was the last time that I ever saw her

And my very favorite memory of Norway was playing the Garage in Bergen

There was an old man running the place named Dennis and we got to talking

He had a contagious smile

And we shared a bottle of sparkling water and a loaf of bread

It really wasn't much of a conversation

It was more like a one-sided monologue from Dennis

And I listened very close

‘Cause Dennis was older and wiser than me

I believe his last name is Reksten

He doesn't have Facebook and neither do I

So if you see him, please tell him Mark Kozelek said “Hi, and God bless him”

And thank you Oslo and Norway for coming out tonight

We’re happy to be here

Playing music for you on this cold November night

Sharing music with you, this is what I dreamed of all my life