Copenhagen

[Verse One]

Seat 14C Swiss Air

On the way to Copenhagen from Baden Switzerland

My favorite hotel in Scandinavia is there

They know me by name

They say, “Well hello Mr. Kozelek

Of course your courtyard room is ready

We’ve already added your extra pillows and blankets”

Last night’s show in Baden got me very sad and

Even the promoter said the audience was not fully concentrated

But after the show a woman approached me

And said, “Hey I think your voice is nice”

I said, “Thank God for that ‘cause other than that I don’t have a lot of options of thing to do in life”

I asked what she did for work there in Baden

She said she work with kids who needed help with speech development

I said “I remember those kids from my Elementary School”

Someone would come by and knock on the door and excuse them from the room

She said, “I know it’s still the same way and when they leave the room some of the kids laugh at them”

I said, “That stuff can scar you for life

I’ve got my own scars from my high school remedial reading classes

And I’ve carried them around an inferiority complex

Will amount to the amount of my success no matter how many people tell me how talented I am, I still carry around that stigma

I still feel like the dumb kid in the remedial reading class”

So on and on we went with our conversation

It was blatant flirtation on her end though

It could have been my imagination

She said, “It’s freezing out here; what are you doing later tonight?”

Said, “Going to my hotel. Why? What are you doing later tonight?”

She said, “You see this guy here standing next to me?

I’m going home with him; I’m his wife”

And we laughed and I said, “You asked me first

It’s not like I asked you to bed down with me tonight”

Let’s be clear I said “I was just asking, 'What are you doing later tonight’ ”

She said “Your interest are in what my plans are after one o’clock in the morning?”

I said, “Look, you asked me first”

And then we laughed and I hugged them goodbye

And I said, “I better get inside before I get pneumonia”

[Verse Two]

So here we are on our way to Copenhagen

In that city for whatever reasons I’ve had the most threesomes

But lots of girls come to Copenhagen from trains from far away places

And the line that I always use is exactly the same

I said, “I got a cozy bed back at my hotel that will fit three”

And they said, “Mmm, okay. Let’s go”

My visits there have been brief

And the threesomes are the fondest memories

But the most tender is my first memory of ever coming here

I was standing Malmö right across the water

We took a ferry to Copenhagen

I met a girl outside a Chinese restaurant

I asked her if she liked to join my band for dinner

And three days later she hitchhiked all the way to Hultsfred form her hometown of Mala

That was 1997 and 20 years have past

And she’s got a child and a husband

And I’m happy to say she’s still one of my very dear friends

I’m still on this plane to Copenhagen

And when I get there I hope the snow is falling

It calms my nerves to watch it fall from my courtyard window

And I hope the canals are frozen

I prefer to see the bikes stuck in the ice

People cycle too fast on the bikes

Jesus Christ, Scandinavians' mother fucking bikes

It’s hard to explain all of you

Because for you, your bikes are a common thing

Bicycles moving so fast is not a common thing for me to deal with or for me to see

I’m always jet-lagged and edgy and sleep deprived on tour traveling from city to city

But my life is pretty good overall

So about my issues with your bicycles, upon me, take no pity

I’m gonna tell you something from the bottom of my heart

I’m not lying; my favorite place to tour is Scandinavia and that’s a fact

The trains are peaceful the scenery is serene

The promoters are honest and they always put in the Scandi

And your English skills are fantastic

And your eye’s are are all cat-lined, spell-binding, hypnotic

Yea, so this plane’s about to land and I’m looking forward to this show in Copenhagen

I need to close my eyes and spend five minutes tuning out in my loneliness

That’s all I got to say that’s all I’m saying that’s all I’m saying

My eyes are now fading

But I’m looking forward to playing tomorrow night in Copenhagen

And yea I’m older now and I won’t end up in a threesome

I’ll end up back in my hotel after the show in my middle aged lonesome

Which is better for me ‘cause I need my sleep

It’s just nice to call my girlfriend and tell her I love her and hear her say that she loves me too

But if I may gloat for just a moment

Somebody told me in 1999 that I was indie rock's answer to Wilt Chamberlain

Back then I was 32, what he said was probably true

Back then I was getting more pussy than all the guys in Mew if they lived 20 lifetimes times two

Now I can barely get it up

And I’m just happy to be singing up here for you

To be honest my dick doesn’t get hard as often anymore

Is this too much information?

What’s concerning for me with all those Viagra commercials I used to ignore

Now I’m starting to pay attention

[Verse Three]

I think the woman next to me on the plane

Thinks I’m a crazy man writing my long crazy man scroll

I just stop for a second to ask if she’d ever seen the Norwegian boy from Trolls

She said, “Excuse me sir, I don’t feel like talking right now; I’m very tired”

I said, “Okay I understand, I'm sorry, but if you only knew who the fuck I am”

She said, “Excuse me sir, your tone is very aggressive”

I’m fucking with ya’ll right now

This conversation never even happened

Now for real I’m putting away my crazy man scroll

This plane’s about to land

I got to get up to use the bathroom

Anyhow thank you for coming out to tonight’s show in Copenhagen

When I was a kid, some kids liked Skoal but I preferred Copenhagen when it came to my snuff

Anyhow thank you again for coming out tonight to our show

I know what you’re thinking this song’s been long enough

But I can’t go away without giving a shoutout to your great ex-boy boxer Brian Nielsen

Look he will stop our boy from Evander Holyfield, Iron Mike Tyson

Let’s give it up for Denmark’s Brian Nielsen

He wasn’t much of a fighter

But he had the heart of a lion, Brian Nielsen

So lets give it up for Denmark’s Brian Nielsen

So lets give it up for Denmark’s Brian Nielsen