Help! - Film Script

(Man bellows) In the name of Preverti,

daughter of the mountains

¶

0:09 - 0:13

whose embrace with Rani

made the whole world tremble.

0:13 - 0:15

(All) Tremble!

0:15 - 0:17

(Man) Tremble.

0:17 - 0:19

Whose name is the Terrible.

0:19 - 0:24

Whose name is Baleful.

Whose name is inaccessible.

0:24 - 0:28

Whose name is the Black Mother,

mother of darkness.

0:28 - 0:32

(All) Kaili!

0:32 - 0:38

(Man) We turn our hearts to Kaili,

Drinker of blood, Black Mother.

0:38 - 0:41

(All) Kaili!

0:41 - 0:47

(Man) Killer of demons,

gorge on this flesh, our offering.

0:47 - 0:51

- Drink...

- Halt!

0:51 - 0:53

- Halt?

- The ring.

0:53 - 0:57

She is not wearing

the sacrificial ring.

0:57 - 0:58

(Murmuring)

0:58 - 1:01

She cannot be sacrificed

without the ring.

1:01 - 1:04

Where is the ring?

What has she done with the ring?

1:04 - 1:07

(All) The ring! The ring!

1:07 - 1:09

♪ Help! I need somebody

1:09 - 1:12

♪ Help! Not just anybody

1:12 - 1:14

♪ Help! You know I need someone

1:14 - 1:17

♪ Help!

1:17 - 1:22

♪ When I was younger,

so much younger than today

1:22 - 1:27

♪ I never needed anybody's help

in anyway

1:27 - 1:32

♪ But now these days are gone

I'm not so self assured

1:32 - 1:37

♪ Now I find I've changed my mind,

I've opened up the doors

1:37 - 1:41

♪ Help me if you can

I'm feeling down

1:41 - 1:47

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

1:47 - 1:51

♪ Help me get my feet back

on the ground

1:51 - 1:57

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

1:57 - 2:03

♪ And now my life has changed

in oh so many ways

2:03 - 2:08

♪ My independence seems to vanish

in the haze

2:08 - 2:13

♪ But ev'ry now and then

I feel so insecure

2:13 - 2:18

♪ I know that I just need you like

I've never done before

2:18 - 2:22

♪ Help me if you can

I'm feeling down

2:22 - 2:28

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

2:28 - 2:32

♪ Help me get my feet back

on the ground

2:32 - 2:38

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

2:38 - 2:43

♪ When I was younger,

so much younger than today

2:43 - 2:48

♪ I never needed anybody's help

in anyway

2:48 - 2:53

♪ But now these days are gone

I'm not so self assured

2:53 - 2:58

♪ Now I find I've changed my mind,

I've opened up the doors

2:58 - 3:03

♪ Help me if you can

I'm feeling down

3:03 - 3:09

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

3:09 - 3:13

♪ Help me get my feet back

on the ground

3:13 - 3:17

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

3:17 - 3:20

♪ Help me, help me

3:20 - 3:24

♪ Ooh ♪

3:24 - 3:27

- Oh, shocking.

- Monstrous.

3:27 - 3:30

- Ahme.

- The necessary preparations...

3:30 - 3:33

- The preparations for my departure...

- Are made.

3:33 - 3:36

- At once, without delay.

- The ring.

3:36 - 3:40

Over the water we must go.

3:40 - 3:42

- Bhuta.

- You ask of me, Master?

3:42 - 3:45

- Obedience and Love.

- This is so.

3:45 - 3:47

- Ahme.

- This is so.

3:47 - 3:49

- The ring.

- Has nobody looked on the washbasin?

3:49 - 3:53

I am making the immediate

arrangements for my necessary...

3:53 - 3:54

- Are made.

- At once.

3:54 - 3:57

- ...visit to England.

- In hand.

3:57 - 3:58

Something must be done.

3:58 - 4:01

Without the ring,

there will be no sacrifice,

4:01 - 4:03

without the sacrifice,

no congregation.

4:03 - 4:06

Without a congregation...

4:06 - 4:09

...no more me.

4:09 - 4:22

This is so.

4:22 - 4:25

- Wave.

- I don't like to.

4:25 - 4:27

- Go on, wave.

- Shall I?

4:27 - 4:30

They expect it, don't they.

4:30 - 4:33

Lovely lads and so natural.

4:33 - 4:35

Adoration hasn't gone to their heads.

4:35 - 4:38

You know what I mean, success.

4:38 - 5:09

So natural and still the same

as they was before they was.

5:09 - 5:14

(Rattling)

5:14 - 5:31

(Organ music plays)

5:31 - 5:36

- Someone's got hold of my finger.

- You trying to attract attention again?

5:36 - 5:39

She's pulling at it.

5:39 - 5:40

(Yells) Oh!

5:40 - 5:50

Ow!

5:50 - 5:51

She had my finger, you know...

5:51 - 5:55

Stop trying to drag things down

to your own level.

5:55 - 6:02

I thought she was a sandwich

until she went spare on my hand.

6:02 - 6:06

It's cold. it's a cold place.

6:06 - 6:11

- So, the ring?

- No. I could not get it off, Swami.

6:11 - 6:17

Oh dear!

6:17 - 6:25

(Engine revs)

6:25 - 7:38

(Clock ticks)

7:38 - 7:51

(Thuds)

7:51 - 7:55

Hey! Have you been messing with me

in my kip?

7:55 - 7:57

I mean, with a fishing rod.

7:57 - 8:01

I wouldn't touch you with a plastic one.

What are you doing on the floor?

8:01 - 8:35

I'm tired.

8:35 - 8:41

(Phones ring)

8:41 - 8:44

- Hello?

- Hello?

8:44 - 9:02

(Alarm clock rings)

9:02 - 9:04

Hey, Bea-atle!

9:04 - 9:08

How about this, Shufti?

9:08 - 9:11

Gold! All of it, pure gold.

9:11 - 9:14

In easy to handle

denominational nuggets. Unmarked.

9:14 - 9:17

- Not a mark on them.

- No, I hate them.

9:17 - 9:23

- No.

- It makes your fingers go green.

9:23 - 9:26

It's not the Beatle with the ring.

9:26 - 9:30

- Aren't I?

- No, unfortunately.

9:30 - 9:37

(Giggles)

9:37 - 9:39

Ah!

9:39 - 9:43

Hey, Bea-atle.

You shall have fun, eh?

9:43 - 9:49

No thanks, I'm rhythm guitar

and mouth organ.

9:49 - 9:51

I didn't encourage that wink.

9:51 - 9:54

- It is not the one.

- My gosh.

9:54 - 9:57

They all look the same in their similitude

and language.

9:57 - 10:00

Swami, its raining on your...

10:00 - 10:06

After them.

10:06 - 10:09

- Quickly, quickly.

- Yes, yes.

10:09 - 10:11

- Right, right.

- All in.

10:11 - 10:15

- All in together now, sir.

- Now.

10:15 - 10:17

- Ah! Shilling!

- Shilling?

10:17 - 10:20

- Shilling.

- Oh, shilling!

10:20 - 10:30

- Now! Off!

- Off.

10:30 - 10:45

Oh... After them.

10:45 - 10:54

- What first attracted you to me?

- Well, you're very polite.

10:54 - 10:56

(Electronic hum)

10:56 - 10:58

(Laughs)

10:58 - 11:05

Ha, ha!

11:05 - 11:06

Hope he's in.

11:06 - 11:16

(indistinct chatter)

11:16 - 11:18

Ow!

11:18 - 11:20

- What are you doing?

- Posting a letter.

11:20 - 11:26

Ow!

11:26 - 11:53

(Dog barks)

11:53 - 12:01

(Both hum)

12:01 - 12:19

(Hand dryer whirrs)

12:19 - 12:29

Ow!

12:29 - 12:32

(Whirring stops)

12:32 - 12:37

I am not what I seem.

12:37 - 12:41

Hey! My skin's soaked right through

to the skin.

12:41 - 12:43

There's more here than meets the eye.

12:43 - 12:45

- Ho, ho!

- Ho!

12:45 - 12:47

- Ho, ho!

- Ho!

12:47 - 12:50

- Ho, ho, ho!

- Oh!

12:50 - 12:52

- Ho!

- Ho, ho!

12:52 - 12:54

Take Five.

12:54 - 12:57

"You're going to lose that girl".

12:57 - 12:59

One, two, three...

12:59 - 13:03

♪ You're going to lose that girl,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

13:03 - 13:07

♪ You're going to lose that girl,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

13:07 - 13:10

♪ If you don't take her out tonight

13:10 - 13:14

♪ She's going to change her mind,

she's going to change her mind

13:14 - 13:18

♪ And I will take her out tonight

13:18 - 13:21

♪ And I will treat her kind,

I'm going to treat her kind

13:21 - 13:25

♪ You're going to lose that girl,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

13:25 - 13:29

♪ You're going to lose that girl,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

13:29 - 13:32

♪ If you don't treat her right my friend

13:32 - 13:36

♪ You're going to find her gone,

you're going to find her gone

13:36 - 13:39

♪ Cause I will treat her right and then

13:39 - 13:43

♪ You'll be the lonely one,

you're not the only one

13:43 - 13:47

♪ You're going to lose that girl,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

13:47 - 13:51

♪ You're going to lose that girl,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

13:51 - 13:54

♪ You're going to lose,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

13:54 - 13:59

♪ I'll make a point of taking her away

from you

13:59 - 14:02

♪ Watch what you do,

yeah

14:02 - 14:12

♪ The way you treat her,

what else can I do?

14:12 - 14:19

♪ You're going to lose that girl

14:19 - 14:21

♪ You're going to lose that girl

14:21 - 14:25

♪ You're going to lose that girl,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

14:25 - 14:29

♪ You're going to lose that girl,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

14:29 - 14:33

♪ You're going to lose,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

14:33 - 14:37

♪ I'll make a point of taking her away

from you

14:37 - 14:41

♪ Watch what you do,

yeah

14:41 - 14:46

♪ The way you treat her,

what else can I do?

14:46 - 14:49

♪ If you don't take her out tonight

14:49 - 14:54

♪ She's going to change her mind,

she's going to change her mind

14:54 - 14:56

♪ And I will take her out tonight

14:56 - 15:00

♪ And I will treat her kind,

I'm going to treat her kind

15:00 - 15:04

♪ You're going to lose that girl,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

15:04 - 15:08

♪ You're going to lose that girl,

yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

15:08 - 15:15

♪ You're going to lose, yes yes,

you're going to lose that girl ♪

15:15 - 15:18

(indistinct chatter)

15:18 - 15:21

- Boys, are you buzzing?

- No thanks, I've got the car.

15:21 - 15:25

No, listen...

You'll have to do it again.

15:25 - 15:29

(Over speaker) '♪ I'll make a point

of taking her away from you

15:29 - 15:33

'♪ Watch what you do,

yeah

15:33 - 15:37

'♪ The way you treat her,

what else can I do... ♪'

15:37 - 15:42

(Whirring)

15:42 - 15:43

- Is that you?

- No.

15:43 - 15:47

- (Whirring stops)

- Don't look at me.

15:47 - 15:49

(Crash)

15:49 - 15:53

it was you buzzing.

You naughty boy.

15:53 - 15:55

(Electric saw whirrs)

15:55 - 15:58

(Whispers) Now for the ring!

15:58 - 16:05

(Muffled cries)

16:05 - 16:08

Ow!

16:08 - 16:10

Oh! Oh, that stings.

16:10 - 16:12

(Yells) Kaili!

16:12 - 16:14

Kaili!

16:14 - 16:16

(Ahme) Flee!

16:16 - 16:19

Will you explain everything

when the opportunity presents itself?

16:19 - 16:36

- Flee!

- OK.

16:36 - 16:50

(Gunshot)

16:50 - 16:53

Oh, goodness me!

Sex is creeping in.

16:53 - 16:58

Young people see it in the bazaars,

market places, temple...

16:58 - 17:02

No wonder they turn up their noses

at a mystical impulse...

17:02 - 17:07

We're taking up fox hunting so young

people are involved in their sacrifices.

17:07 - 17:12

And will understand the deep

significance of blood well shed.

17:12 - 17:17

Of course I don't expect you to see

eye to eye with me...

17:17 - 17:22

What? Who? Where?

17:22 - 17:49

Now... lf you'll pardon me.

17:49 - 17:52

It's played out, any road?

You know, rings...

17:52 - 17:54

- Very nice.

- It's yours.

17:54 - 17:58

Nah! My missus wouldn't wear a ring

like that. Ostentatious, that is!

17:58 - 18:02

- He's from the west.

- Nah, east. Stepney.

18:02 - 18:06

- Does this ring mean anything to you?

- Freemason?

18:06 - 18:10

- You're all English!

- That's what unions are for.

18:10 - 18:15

I tell a lie. We have got one in there

from the mystic east... Or we did have.

18:15 - 18:17

(Hollers) Hey, Abdul!

18:17 - 18:20

- Yes.

- We did have one, didn't we?

18:20 - 18:23

That lad from the sunnier climate,

east of Suez?

18:23 - 18:26

Very nice he was, too.

18:26 - 18:39

I think he's still down there,

in the coal hole.

18:39 - 18:42

Doesn't the blood rush to your head, sir?

18:42 - 18:44

Doesn't the eastern flavour

come expensive?

18:44 - 18:47

Doesn't the blood rush to your stomach?

18:47 - 18:49

Is this ring nasty, sir?

18:49 - 18:55

Argh! Kaili! Oh dear, I must lie down.

18:55 - 18:59

Oh! That's better.

18:59 - 19:02

Excuse me...

This menu...

19:02 - 19:23

(Thump)

19:23 - 19:25

I've just seen the most amazing thing...

19:25 - 19:35

(Gasps) Oh...

19:35 - 19:41

Hey, did you...

19:41 - 19:46

There's a man down there on his head.

19:46 - 19:48

Arthur?

19:48 - 19:51

(Whooshes)

19:51 - 19:57

Could you pick this up for me, please?

19:57 - 20:02

(Sitar music plays)

20:02 - 20:05

(Music stops)

20:05 - 20:11

Are you eating, too, Paul?

20:11 - 20:14

Your friend is in mortal danger.

I can say no more.

20:14 - 20:17

(Gasping)

20:17 - 20:21

(Music resumes)

20:21 - 20:24

It's rather a jolly place.

20:24 - 20:27

- Soup, please.

- Soup, yeah.

20:27 - 20:29

He has three hours to live.

20:29 - 20:33

- Say no more.

- I can say no more.

20:33 - 20:35

I ordered soup too.

20:35 - 20:48

- Soup!

- Soup.

20:48 - 20:53

Pardon me, sir. That's a very

fascinating ring you've got there.

20:53 - 20:55

- Unless I'm mistaken.

- Is it?

20:55 - 20:59

The dreaded sacred sacrificial

ring of the dread Kaili.

20:59 - 21:00

- Say no more.

- I can say no more.

21:00 - 21:04

Excuse me. if he is to be sacrificed

before Kaili,

21:04 - 21:06

why is he not painted red?

21:06 - 21:14

I've never had the courage to ask him,

but as he's my best friend I will.

21:14 - 21:17

- Whats this? Glasses?

- That's right, sir. Glasses.

21:17 - 21:21

A victim is offered

to the dread Kaili everyday.

21:21 - 21:23

All are happy to go.

21:23 - 21:26

He who wins is privileged to wear

the sacred ring

21:26 - 21:29

from sun to moon,

from moon to sun.

21:29 - 21:33

And at the end of the happy day

he is slaughtered jolly with a knife.

21:33 - 21:38

And sacrificed jolly with a knife,

so I'm told, with that ring.

21:38 - 21:39

Three hours to live.

21:39 - 21:43

- (Man) You have till five o'clock.

- Before a new victim is chosen.

21:43 - 21:46

You are lucky to be chosen!

21:46 - 21:51

My old mum would give her right hand

to be chosen.

21:51 - 21:54

- Whats this?

- A season ticket.

21:54 - 22:00

I like a lot of seasoning in my soup.

22:00 - 22:02

There's somebody been in this soup.

22:02 - 22:06

I got it from this Eastern bird... lady...

in a fan letter.

22:06 - 22:11

I get all sorts.

Rubbish, though, isn't it? Sacrifice.

22:11 - 22:13

No? Come off!

22:13 - 22:17

So, get in touch with your authorities

and send back the ring to this lady,

22:17 - 22:19

who will then go happy to Kaili.

22:19 - 22:22

- Thank you.

- (Bhuta) Three hours.

22:22 - 22:24

There's a footprint in here.

22:24 - 22:28

Here, you have a go.

22:28 - 22:35

(Gasps) Flee!

22:35 - 22:54

(Woman screams)

22:54 - 22:57

We have lots of little problems like this.

Some of them matrimonial.

22:57 - 22:59

(Laughs)

22:59 - 23:01

This ring is not stone.

23:01 - 23:12

- I've only got three hours to live.

- Therefore, it must be a metal.

23:12 - 23:17

- I don't know this metal.

- You're not getting anywhere, are you?

23:17 - 23:20

Early days yet, sir.

Therefore it must be an alloy.

23:20 - 23:26

There's a certain amount of hurry up

involved here. My life is in danger.

23:26 - 23:28

Three ten.

23:28 - 23:30

- The wheel.

- Not the wheel.

23:30 - 23:34

Even the Royal House of Hanover

had the wheel, sir.

23:34 - 23:46

(Whirring)

23:46 - 23:49

- I've never seen anything like it.

- You've failed.

23:49 - 23:53

- I suggest you see a specialist.

- What kind? Your tools are broken.

23:53 - 23:56

The fire brigade once got my head

out of some railings.

23:56 - 24:01

- Did you want them to?

- No. I left it there when not at school.

24:01 - 24:03

You can see a lot of the world

from railings.

24:03 - 24:09

(Electronic beeping)

24:09 - 24:12

I like operations,

they give you a sense of outlook.

24:12 - 24:14

This won't work.

24:14 - 24:17

It could work if the government

would spend more money.

24:17 - 24:20

Made in America you see.

24:20 - 24:22

Another failure.

24:22 - 24:25

The idea is...

The idea as I see it

24:25 - 24:29

is that we expand the molecules

and the ring grows bigger and drops off.

24:29 - 24:33

- Whats your electricity bill like?

- It's sort of a long counterfoil.

24:33 - 24:37

It's not dropping off.

24:37 - 24:41

Voltage!

Voltage... up, up...

24:41 - 24:43

Up, up!

24:43 - 24:46

- Are you sure I'm earthed?

- Oh no, hold on. Thank you.

24:46 - 24:50

Made in America.

Streets ahead of anything we've got.

24:50 - 24:52

This is English.

24:52 - 24:55

- Is it green, the earth in America?

- In some places its brown.

24:55 - 24:57

He's not earthed.

24:57 - 25:04

He's an idiot.

Has a degree in woodwork. I ask you!

25:04 - 25:07

Done.

25:07 - 25:10

- 5... 4...

- Come on.

25:10 - 25:15

3-2-1-go! I observe the procedure.

He'll thank me for it in the end.

25:15 - 25:18

Scientist, you're getting nowhere.

25:18 - 25:22

It's the plugs.

Good British plugs.

25:22 - 25:26

All this America rig. Wrong voltage.

That's what foxes me.

25:26 - 25:28

- How do you feel?

- I used to use my hands.

25:28 - 25:32

He used to use his hands.

25:32 - 25:35

- Will he still be able to drum?

- Did he do a lot of it?

25:35 - 25:41

- Voltage... up!

- I'm no mean hand at the old sticks.

25:41 - 25:42

The voltage, up, up, up!

25:42 - 25:48

- Hey, he's calling you. Up, up, up!

- Up, up, up!

25:48 - 25:52

The bunker!

25:52 - 25:59

(Electronic humming)

25:59 - 26:03

- I can't watch.

- It's working! Give it the gun, Algernon.

26:03 - 26:10

(Whirring)

26:10 - 26:12

Stop it!

26:12 - 26:14

It's more than my job's worth!

26:14 - 26:17

He's out to rule the world

if he can get a government grant.

26:17 - 26:31

Outrageous!

You're nothing but a mad scientist!

26:31 - 26:33

Fantastic!

26:33 - 26:37

With a ring like that I could,

dare I say it, rule the world.

26:37 - 26:40

I must have the ring...

Algernon, the laser.

26:40 - 26:44

Get your hands off him

or I'll call the Metropolitan scuffers!

26:44 - 26:46

The laser...

26:46 - 26:50

- Get him off.

- I must have this ring. The laser.

26:50 - 26:55

Halt! Release him or I'll shoot

and I am a dead eyeshot shooting.

26:55 - 27:01

- I've got it.

- Switch off that machine.

27:01 - 27:04

- The laser.

- The laser, yes...

27:04 - 27:07

I'm better with animals

than plugs and transistors.

27:07 - 27:10

MIT was after me,

wanted me to rule the world for them.

27:10 - 27:13

Daddy being the local master

of the hounds.

27:13 - 27:16

That's where I get it from,

my love of animals.

27:16 - 27:20

They trust me.

I should have been in vivisection.

27:20 - 27:24

How do you know we can trust her?

She's had your fingers before, Ringo.

27:24 - 27:28

Well, that was a mistake.

I can vouch for her. We're very close.

27:28 - 27:32

- Lasers ready.

- Get them!

27:32 - 27:35

(Laser Beeps)

27:35 - 27:38

(Bang)

27:38 - 27:42

It's the wrong plug...

Just give me five minutes.

27:42 - 27:50

It's the brain drain.

His brain's draining.

27:50 - 27:52

(♪ THE BEATLES:

"You've Got to Hide Your Love Away")

27:52 - 27:55

♪ Here I stand with head in hand

27:55 - 27:59

♪ Turn my face to the wall

27:59 - 28:03

♪ if she's gone I can't go on

28:03 - 28:09

♪ Feeling two foot small

28:09 - 28:13

♪ Ev'rywhere people stare

28:13 - 28:17

♪ Each and ev'ryday

28:17 - 28:21

♪ I can see them laugh at me

28:21 - 28:29

♪ And I hear them say

28:29 - 28:37

♪ "Hey, you've got to hide

your love away!"

28:37 - 28:45

♪ "Hey, you've got to hide

your love away!"

28:45 - 28:49

♪ How can I even try?

28:49 - 28:53

♪ I can never win

28:53 - 28:57

♪ Hearing them, seeing them

28:57 - 29:02

♪ In the state I'm in

29:02 - 29:06

♪ How could she say to me

29:06 - 29:10

♪ "Love will find a way"?

29:10 - 29:14

♪ Gather 'round all you clowns

29:14 - 29:22

♪ Let me hear you say

29:22 - 29:30

♪ "Hey, you've got to hide

your love away!"

29:30 - 29:56

♪ "Hey, you've got to hide

your love away!" ♪

29:56 - 29:58

I have here...

29:58 - 30:00

(Gasps)

30:00 - 30:03

Now see what you've done

with your filthy Eastern ways.

30:03 - 30:07

No! it is Clang, the High Priest,

who is filthy in his ways.

30:07 - 30:10

(Posh accent) How do we know

you're not sent by him to nick the ring,

30:10 - 30:13

when you've lulled us

with your filthy ways?

30:13 - 30:16

- What filthy ways are these?

- You can put that away.

30:16 - 30:21

Until this moment you were safe

because my sister was chosen

30:21 - 30:24

and no other could be sacrificed

to Kaili.

30:24 - 30:32

Now my sister is safe and rises up.

30:32 - 30:35

(Soft clang)

30:35 - 30:39

(Ahme) 'And a new day dawns,

a new victim is chosen...'

30:39 - 30:45

From this moment it is death to him

who wears the ring.

30:45 - 30:48

This will make your finger shrink.

Be brave.

30:48 - 30:49

Don't look.

30:49 - 30:55

Alas, if he were brave

this would not be necessary.

30:55 - 31:05

(Birds chirp)

31:05 - 31:08

Where've you been?

You've been up that temple again.

31:08 - 31:21

You're as bad as your sister, coming

home from work at all hours and colours.

31:21 - 31:23

There might be some insurance.

31:23 - 31:26

I wouldn't think of such a thing!

Find out.

31:26 - 31:28

What did you say that stuff is?

31:28 - 31:32

This will just make his finger shrink

a little. It's a minor medical secret.

31:32 - 31:35

I'm sure there's no call for all this.

31:35 - 31:39

I'm allergic to Penicillin

and all them other wonder drugs.

31:39 - 31:42

- Gum?

- Are you sure its not or habit forming?

31:42 - 32:03

No. As long as you don't swallow it.

32:03 - 32:06

(Whispers) All right.

Synchronise your watches.

32:06 - 32:15

You, you, you and you.

Paint him red and then kill him.

32:15 - 32:17

Kaili.

32:17 - 32:20

Kaili. Kaili.

32:20 - 32:25

I promise you

the effect is purely transitory.

32:25 - 32:26

It wears off very quickly.

32:26 - 32:31

(Doorbell rings)

(Ahme) Don't answer it! It's Clang.

32:31 - 32:33

(Hollering and knocking)

32:33 - 32:37

- Perhaps it won't take...

- This is a dreadful miscarriage.

32:37 - 32:38

(Hollering)

32:38 - 32:41

(Ringo) Come on, my finger!

32:41 - 32:43

Where's Paul?

32:43 - 32:48

Where's Paul? Come on, Paul,

stop messing about.

32:48 - 32:50

Where's he gone?

32:50 - 33:13

- Where are you, Paul?

- It's his best suit.

33:13 - 33:19

Don't look right or left. They might take

us for innocent bystanders.

33:19 - 33:24

(Baby crying)

33:24 - 33:26

- Standby.

- (Whispers) Standby.

33:26 - 33:29

Look out!

They're coming through the door!

33:29 - 33:35

(Knocking)

33:35 - 33:41

- Go!

- Go!

33:41 - 33:49

(Yells) Kaili!

33:49 - 33:55

Kaili... Oh!

33:55 - 34:00

- Sorry, I hit him.

- Oh!

34:00 - 34:03

Get me the home office.

He's wrecking my home.

34:03 - 34:08

Kaili! Kaili!

34:08 - 34:13

(Gasps) Get off!

34:13 - 34:16

- It's me, you fool.

- Oh, sorry.

34:16 - 34:21

Well, stop it!

34:21 - 35:02

Feet! Feet, you fool!

35:02 - 35:13

(Growls)

35:13 - 35:19

(Sobs)

35:19 - 35:25

Kaili! He's red! Kill him!

35:25 - 35:34

(Gunshot)

35:34 - 35:37

Oh, my goodness gosh!

Withdraw! Withdraw!

35:37 - 35:40

Up!

35:40 - 35:42

Up, up, up!

35:42 - 35:44

- You!

- Which one has the ring?

35:44 - 35:46

That one with the large ned.

35:46 - 35:48

Neb!

And its yours.

35:48 - 35:54

- Keep your hands up.

- How can I get it off with my hands up?

35:54 - 35:56

In the name of science

I demand that ring.

35:56 - 35:57

It's yours!

35:57 - 36:01

- It's worth something.

- A couple of bob, at least.

36:01 - 36:05

Had to do all this myself... Backward

Britain they call us on Wall Street.

36:05 - 36:09

With a ring like that

could I interest the military?

36:09 - 36:11

No, I could not.

36:11 - 36:15

I can't get it off.

36:15 - 36:18

(Squelch)

36:18 - 36:20

- Paul?

- Look, what you've done.

36:20 - 36:24

- Hey, is that Paul?

- Algernon, my little black bag.

36:24 - 36:27

I shall have to operate.

36:27 - 36:29

It'll be on the National Health,

won't it?

36:29 - 36:33

- (Whooshing)

- Look!

36:33 - 36:36

Ugh! I'm all sticky. You're all red!

36:36 - 36:39

- We thought that was you.

- No that's not me.

36:39 - 36:43

I'm glad it wore off quickly.

36:43 - 36:46

What are you doing here?

36:46 - 36:51

- (Hammer clicks)

- Get out!

36:51 - 36:55

British, you see! Useless.

If I had a Luger...

36:55 - 36:59

Their scientists are properly equipped.

Think on it.

36:59 - 37:09

The remedy is in your hands...

you, the voters.

37:09 - 37:15

- Where's Ahme?

- I don't know.

37:15 - 37:23

(Speaks in Eastern language)

37:23 - 37:28

(Continues speaking

in Eastern language)

37:28 - 37:31

- Hai?

- What? Yes... Hai.

37:31 - 37:34

(Continues speaking

in Eastern language)

37:34 - 37:37

I don't understand a word.

I don't speak the language.

37:37 - 37:40

Latin, yes. But this Eastern babble, no.

37:40 - 37:58

Ah, the ring! Come on, we go.

37:58 - 38:02

(♪ THE BEATLES:

"Ticket To Ride")

38:02 - 38:05

♪ I think I'm gonna be sad

38:05 - 38:09

♪ I think its today, yeh

38:09 - 38:12

♪ The girl that's driving me mad

38:12 - 38:17

♪ ls going away

38:17 - 38:21

♪ She's got a ticket to ride

38:21 - 38:25

♪ She's got a ticket

to ri-hi-hide

38:25 - 38:33

♪ She's got a ticket to ride

but she don't care

38:33 - 38:36

♪ She said that living with me

38:36 - 38:41

♪ Was bringing her down, yeh

38:41 - 38:44

♪ For she would never be free

38:44 - 38:49

♪ When I was around

38:49 - 38:53

♪ She's got a ticket to ride

38:53 - 38:57

♪ She's got a ticket

to ri-hi-hide

38:57 - 39:04

♪ She's got a ticket to ride

but she don't care

39:04 - 39:08

♪ I don't know why she's riding so high

39:08 - 39:12

♪ She ought to think twice,

she ought to do right by me

39:12 - 39:16

♪ Before she gets to saying goodbye

39:16 - 39:22

♪ She ought to think twice,

she ought to do right by me

39:22 - 39:25

♪ I think I'm gonna be sad

39:25 - 39:30

♪ I think its today, yeh

39:30 - 39:33

♪ The girl that's driving me mad

39:33 - 39:37

♪ ls going away, yeh

39:37 - 39:42

♪ Ah, she's got a ticket to ride

39:42 - 39:46

♪ She's got a ticket to ri-hi-hide

39:46 - 39:54

♪ She's got a ticket to ride

but she don't care

39:54 - 39:58

♪ I don't know why she's riding so high

39:58 - 40:02

♪ She ought to think twice,

she ought to do right by me

40:02 - 40:06

♪ Before she gets to saying goodbye

40:06 - 40:12

♪ She ought to think twice,

she ought to do right by me

40:12 - 40:15

♪ She said that living with me

40:15 - 40:20

♪ Was bringing her down, yeh

40:20 - 40:23

♪ For she would never be free

40:23 - 40:27

♪ When I was around

40:27 - 40:32

♪ She's got a ticket to ride

40:32 - 40:36

♪ She's got a ticket to ri-hi-hide

40:36 - 40:42

♪ She's got a ticket to ride

but she don't care

40:42 - 40:46

♪ My baby don't care

40:46 - 40:50

♪ My baby don't care

40:50 - 40:54

♪ My baby don't care

40:54 - 40:58

♪ My baby don't care

40:58 - 41:06

♪ My baby don't care... ♪

41:06 - 41:13

There they are!

41:13 - 41:19

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho!

41:19 - 41:22

Oh...

41:22 - 41:28

(Ringo) Wait!

41:28 - 41:31

The blood's rushing to my head.

41:31 - 41:33

Mind that post!

41:33 - 41:38

Put me down.

41:38 - 41:40

Put me down.

41:40 - 41:44

Thank you...

Ouch, ouch, ouch!

41:44 - 41:48

Hey! Over here.

Wait, wait, wait!

41:48 - 41:50

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho!

41:50 - 42:05

Ho, ho, ho... Oh!

42:05 - 42:07

Ah... So!

42:07 - 42:10

It's too heavy!

42:10 - 42:12

Here you are. It's not heavy now.

42:12 - 42:15

- (Ringo) Send it down!

- (John) Here you are, Ringo.

42:15 - 42:18

I've got it... No, I haven't,

its gone past!

42:18 - 42:21

Send this one straight.

42:21 - 42:23

I've got it... No, I haven't.

42:23 - 42:25

- Look out!

- Get away!

42:25 - 42:28

I am easing the fuse in now.

42:28 - 42:30

What?

42:30 - 42:32

I know, you fool. I'm here.

Steady.

42:32 - 42:36

Steady. I am steady.

42:36 - 42:38

Now a turn to the right and it locks.

42:38 - 42:42

I am turning it to the right.

It is locking.

42:42 - 42:44

That's what comes

of teaching science by TV.

42:44 - 42:46

You'll thank me in the end.

42:46 - 42:48

I am lifting it up.

42:48 - 42:50

(Curling stone ticks)

42:50 - 42:53

- I am moving my left leg...

- Hurry up!

42:53 - 42:58

- I am moving my right leg.

- Oh, give it to me!

42:58 - 43:04

- Call it a day.

- It's curling stone day.

43:04 - 43:08

When the ice breaks dive straight in.

It's the right hand.

43:08 - 43:10

(Mutters) it won't work.

43:10 - 43:15

Soft game... broom sticks.

43:15 - 43:16

Thank you.

43:16 - 43:18

Throw it, George.

43:18 - 43:20

That was good.

43:20 - 43:22

Great.

43:22 - 43:25

Hey, its a thingy.

43:25 - 43:27

(Hollers) A fiendish thingy!

43:27 - 43:29

It was so fast, its smoking.

43:29 - 43:36

Run, Ringo!

43:36 - 43:39

(Curling stone ticks)

43:39 - 43:41

(Ticking stops)

43:41 - 43:48

Useless... ex army rubbish.

I cannot get the equipment...

43:48 - 44:00

(Woman screams)

44:00 - 44:04

Excuse me... white cliffs of Dover?

44:04 - 44:08

Thank you.

44:08 - 44:11

Bhuta, here they come, the right flank.

44:11 - 44:31

- Get on!

- Stop here. You're in my power!

44:31 - 44:34

In the name of Kaili, stop!

Stop!

44:34 - 44:38

Argh!

44:38 - 44:41

My blood group is very unusual.

Look!

44:41 - 44:55

My blood group is...

44:55 - 45:01

This way, Swami.

45:01 - 45:13

(Crowd applauds)

45:13 - 45:15

What for? Please, no...

45:15 - 45:18

Please... No...

45:18 - 45:22

(♪ Band plays anthem)

45:22 - 45:50

I am very busy... please!

45:50 - 45:52

Perhaps if we gave away free tickets

45:52 - 45:55

to the youth organisation

annual sacrifice,

45:55 - 46:23

all this could be avoided.

It's a very real problem.

46:23 - 46:32

(Distant train whistle)

46:32 - 46:34

London.

46:34 - 46:36

Red.

46:36 - 46:37

Red?

46:37 - 46:40

They have to paint me red

before they chop me.

46:40 - 46:42

It's a different religion from ours...

l think

46:42 - 46:47

- So this is the famous ring, eh?

- I'm in fear of my life, you know.

46:47 - 46:50

So this is the famous Beatles?

46:50 - 46:53

So this is the famous Scotland Yard?

46:53 - 46:55

How long do you think you'll last?

46:55 - 46:59

You can't say fairer than that.

Great Train Robbery, how's that going?

46:59 - 47:03

- You don't believe us, do you?

- (Phone rings)

47:03 - 47:06

- Chief Superintendent.

- (Man) 'Ringo, please.'

47:06 - 47:09

- It's for you, the famous Ringo.

- It's them.

47:09 - 47:12

- Only me and Paul know we're here.

- I know.

47:12 - 47:18

Allow me. I'm a bit of a famous mimic.

You know... James Cagney.

47:18 - 47:21

(Liverpool accent)

Hello, this is the famous Ringo,

47:21 - 47:24

what is it that I can do for you?

47:24 - 47:26

Not a bit like Cagney.

47:26 - 47:30

- (Clang) 'Go to the window.'

- Hey, it is them!

47:30 - 47:32

(Clang) 'Go to the window.'

47:32 - 47:35

Go to the window.

47:35 - 47:38

Go to the window.

47:38 - 47:41

Go to the window.

47:41 - 47:55

'Go to the window.'

47:55 - 47:59

There's a strong case for arming

the police. We're not all masochists.

47:59 - 48:02

- Now see?

- I believe you. Thousands wouldn't.

48:02 - 48:06

Right, lets get going.

Pass me the phone, will you?

48:06 - 48:09

Lifeline of the service.

Dial 999.

48:09 - 48:13

We need protection.

We've got a record to do tomorrow.

48:13 - 48:15

- I need protection.

- And you shall have it.

48:15 - 48:17

Get me protection.

48:17 - 48:20

(♪ THE BEATLES:

"I Need You")

48:20 - 48:27

♪ You don't realise how much

I need you

48:27 - 48:34

♪ Love you all the time

and never leave you

48:34 - 48:38

♪ Please come on back to me

48:38 - 48:41

♪ I'm lonely as can be

48:41 - 48:45

♪ I need you

48:45 - 48:52

♪ Said you had a thing or two

to tell me

48:52 - 48:59

♪ How was I to know

you would upset me

48:59 - 49:02

♪ I didn't realise

49:02 - 49:06

♪ As I looked in your eyes

49:06 - 49:09

♪ You told me

49:09 - 49:11

♪ Oh yes, you told me

49:11 - 49:16

♪ You don't want my loving anymore

49:16 - 49:19

♪ That's when it hurt me

49:19 - 49:26

♪ And feeling like this

I just can't go on anymore

49:26 - 49:33

♪ Please remember

how I feel about you

49:33 - 49:40

♪ I could never really live

without you

49:40 - 49:44

♪ So come on back and see

49:44 - 49:47

♪ Just what you mean to me

49:47 - 49:50

♪ I need you

49:50 - 49:53

♪ But when you told me

49:53 - 49:57

♪ You don't want my loving anymore

49:57 - 50:00

♪ That's when it hurt me

50:00 - 50:07

♪ And feeling like this

I just can't go on anymore

50:07 - 50:15

♪ Please remember

how I feel about you

50:15 - 50:21

♪ I could never really live

without you

50:21 - 50:25

♪ So come on back and see

50:25 - 50:29

♪ Just what you mean to me

50:29 - 50:32

♪ I need you

50:32 - 50:36

♪ I need you

50:36 - 50:59

♪ I need you ♪

50:59 - 51:03

Hello... Sunray to Set. Over.

51:03 - 51:07

(Over radio) 'Hello, Sunray.

What are you doing down there?

51:07 - 51:08

Sunray all set. Over.

51:08 - 51:10

Sit-rep please.

51:10 - 51:20

It is done. We are directly under.

Listen...

51:20 - 51:22

'♪ She's a woman who understands

51:22 - 51:24

'♪ She's a woman

who loves her man... ♪'

51:24 - 51:26

Ugh! Shocking!

51:26 - 51:29

'♪ My love don't give me presents... ♪'

51:29 - 51:36

Roger, Ahme. Return to the base.

I will complete the task. Out.

51:36 - 51:38

- (Yells) Brahna!

- Saheb?

51:38 - 51:45

Take this hastily scribbled note hastily

to acting Lance Corporal Bhuta.

51:45 - 51:48

Off!

51:48 - 52:07

(Engine revs)

52:07 - 52:10

- It says standing by.

- (Yells) Stand by!

52:10 - 52:16

They shall not pass...

52:16 - 52:18

(♪ "She's A Woman"

plays on tape machine)

52:18 - 52:22

'♪ She don't give boys the eye

52:22 - 52:28

'♪ She hates to see me cry... ♪'

52:28 - 52:33

♪ We said our goodbyes,

on the night before

52:33 - 52:39

♪ Love was in your eyes,

on the night before

52:39 - 52:42

♪ Now today I find

52:42 - 52:45

♪ You have changed your mind

52:45 - 52:50

♪ Treat me like you did

the night before

52:50 - 52:56

♪ Were you telling lies,

on the night before?

52:56 - 53:02

♪ Was I so unwise,

on the night before?

53:02 - 53:05

♪ When I held you near

53:05 - 53:08

♪ You were so sincere

53:08 - 53:13

♪ Treat me like you did

the night before

53:13 - 53:19

♪ Last night is a night

I will remember you by

53:19 - 53:25

♪ When I think of things we did

it makes me wanna cry

53:25 - 53:30

♪ We said our goodbyes,

on the night before

53:30 - 53:36

♪ Love was in your eyes,

on the night before

53:36 - 53:39

♪ Now today I find

53:39 - 53:42

♪ You have changed your mind

53:42 - 53:47

♪ Treat me like you did

the night before

53:47 - 53:53

♪ Yes... ♪

53:53 - 53:56

'♪ She's a woman who understands

53:56 - 53:59

'♪ She's a woman who loves her man

53:59 - 54:04

'♪ My love don't give me presents

54:04 - 54:08

'♪ I know that she's no peasant... ♪

54:08 - 54:12

(Engine revs)

54:12 - 54:18

♪ Last night is a night

I will remember you by

54:18 - 54:23

♪ When I think of things we did

it makes me wanna cry

54:23 - 54:29

♪ Were you telling lies,

on the night before?

54:29 - 54:35

♪ Was I so unwise,

on the night before?

54:35 - 54:37

♪ When I held you near

54:37 - 54:40

♪ You were so sincere

54:40 - 54:45

♪ Treat me like you did

the night before

54:45 - 54:52

♪ Yes...

54:52 - 54:54

♪ When I held you near

54:54 - 54:58

♪ You were so sincere

54:58 - 55:02

♪ Treat me like you did

the night before

55:02 - 55:10

♪ Like the night before ♪

55:10 - 55:19

- Hey!

- We're being attacked!

55:19 - 55:25

(Gunfire)

55:25 - 55:31

(Man yells) Retreat! Retreat!

55:31 - 55:37

Come on! We're being fired at!

Get out of here!

55:37 - 55:49

Come on! Retreat!

55:49 - 55:54

Run!

55:54 - 55:57

Quick! Faster!

55:57 - 56:06

Hey, mind the tank!

56:06 - 56:07

Get up, Johnny!

56:07 - 56:12

- Stop!

- Johnny! Walk for me. You can do it!

56:12 - 56:35

In here! Quickly! Quick!

56:35 - 56:41

- Fire!

- (Yells) Fire!

56:41 - 56:50

Fire!

56:50 - 56:53

Fire!

56:53 - 56:58

- Left! Steady on. 1-500.

- 1-500.

56:58 - 57:01

I regret losing a lieutenant

as able as Ahme

57:01 - 57:03

but she was told the price of capture.

57:03 - 57:06

- Enemy tank moving from left to right.

- Loaded.

57:06 - 57:14

- Well, fire the nasty thing.

- Firing now, Saheb

57:14 - 57:22

Missed! You naughty boys.

57:22 - 57:30

Turn us right.

57:30 - 57:38

Fire!

57:38 - 57:44

(♪ "1812 Overture" plays)

57:44 - 58:27

(Cheering)

58:27 - 58:35

There must be somewhere in England

where one can find sanctuary to think.

58:35 - 58:38

How's your equilibrium, Ringo?

58:38 - 58:41

How's yours?

You're light again, George.

58:41 - 58:45

- How do you know its not you.

- Cos I never am, am I Paul?

58:45 - 58:48

Here, cop this, one hand!

58:48 - 58:51

- (John) Ugly, though.

- The hands?

58:51 - 58:58

- Some people's are.

- Show us your hand, Ringo.

58:58 - 59:00

- You want to chuck one in?

- Get on!

59:00 - 59:03

- How about drumming, though?

- It won't affect it.

59:03 - 59:07

I don't know many...

59:07 - 59:10

it appears I need one card.

I'm chucking one in.

59:10 - 59:12

Very light-hearted.

59:12 - 59:15

- Discarding it.

- Like an old boot.

59:15 - 59:17

They're talking about your finger,

you know.

59:17 - 59:20

One card. Dealer takes one.

59:20 - 59:22

See, that didn't hurt.

59:22 - 59:26

- Will you hold this drumstick?

- Manchester has a good drummer.

59:26 - 59:29

Well, I don't just drum with it, do I?

59:29 - 59:31

- What else then?

- I use it, you know.

59:31 - 59:35

Quite a good-looking fellow, too.

I'll raise you.

59:35 - 59:39

You haven't used that finger

in the past hour and we're in danger.

59:39 - 59:42

Me and Paul haven't seen you

use of that finger, have we?

59:42 - 59:44

- No.

- And again.

59:44 - 59:49

We're risking our lives to preserve

a useless member.

59:49 - 59:51

That bloke with Scott,

59:51 - 59:54

I've always admired the way he went

into the snow for his mates.

59:54 - 59:59

- And again.

- You're joking!

59:59 - 60:11

Just hold this drumstick.

60:11 - 60:14

You've raised it a little bundle

on the quiet.

60:14 - 60:17

- It's like having a tooth out.

- I've got a good hand.

60:17 - 60:20

You only lay out money

is when you've got five aces.

60:20 - 60:23

- Do you want to see me?

- You're joking... take it.

60:23 - 60:25

I will see... I've won it.

60:25 - 60:29

- Cut.

- No!

60:29 - 60:31

I think tea, don't you? Tea.

60:31 - 60:34

They expect me to cut my finger off.

60:34 - 60:36

The famous finger, eh?

60:36 - 60:39

So the police are extended

giving the famous protection,

60:39 - 60:45

for which we are justly proud

in this country, for a finger, eh?

60:45 - 60:48

Whats that... It's haunted, you know.

60:48 - 60:52

- Are you going to cut?

- No, I'm not and let that be an end to it.

60:52 - 60:54

End to it!

60:54 - 61:12

This wing of the palace is haunted.

61:12 - 61:14

We won't leave this palace alive.

61:14 - 61:18

The Queen will have something

to say about that.

61:18 - 61:20

- Whats that?

- I beg your pardon?

61:20 - 61:30

- That thing coming through his stomach.

- I daren't look!

61:30 - 61:36

It's only a hose.

61:36 - 61:39

(Whistle blows softly)

61:39 - 61:48

- It's for you.

- It's the gardener.

61:48 - 61:53

I'll stick it out the window.

61:53 - 61:56

(Marching feet)

61:56 - 62:01

(Man) Eyes left.

62:01 - 62:04

(Gas hisses)

62:04 - 62:10

(Man) Eyes front!

62:10 - 62:14

Must be their tea break.

62:14 - 62:17

Hands up!

62:17 - 62:19

Hands up! Quick!

62:19 - 62:22

Come on, lets have you.

62:22 - 62:27

Steady!

62:27 - 62:32

There goes my knighthood.

You, left hand...

62:32 - 62:37

Lets have that ring.

62:37 - 62:52

(Gunshots)

62:52 - 62:56

It's me, you fool.

62:56 - 63:00

- Quick! Quick!

- Lets catch him!

63:00 - 63:03

This should work,

its from Harvard.

63:03 - 63:08

- It looks like a laser.

- It's a relativity cadenza.

63:08 - 63:10

That should slow them down a bit.

63:10 - 63:14

There, point it down the hall.

Quickly!

63:14 - 63:18

Hurry up with the plug,

I'll align the sights... Yes!

63:18 - 63:20

Right, good.

63:20 - 63:22

I think it is a laser.

63:22 - 63:24

Oh!

63:24 - 63:28

(Sighs) Oh...

63:28 - 63:43

(Relativity cadenza whooshes)

63:43 - 63:44

A royal fuse has just blown.

63:44 - 63:47

(Cadenza stops)

63:47 - 64:04

- it is a rela... teva... camenza...

- Bad machine!

64:04 - 64:05

(Cadenza starts)

64:05 - 64:10

Hair dryer, I'll bet

she had one for Christmas.

64:10 - 64:11

(Whistling)

64:11 - 64:15

We are going for a friendly walk

with the police down by the river.

64:15 - 64:18

Ooh, look at that.

64:18 - 64:28

- It's a band.

- (Bagpipe music plays)

64:28 - 64:31

Paint! Paint!

64:31 - 64:35

(Yells) Come on, quickly!

Get them, men. I'm with you.

64:35 - 64:39

After them! After them! Quick!

64:39 - 64:46

Look.

64:46 - 64:49

Oh, lovely pub.

64:49 - 64:59

Two lagers and lime

and two lagers and lime, please.

64:59 - 65:06

- Looks like its me again.

- Everything's relative, you know.

65:06 - 65:09

- Well, you didn't miss your tonsils.

- How do you know?

65:09 - 65:11

Why don't you chop it off, Ringo?

65:11 - 65:15

Look John, I've had some great times

with this finger.

65:15 - 65:17

How do you know I wouldn't miss it?

65:17 - 65:19

You're a rat underneath.

65:19 - 65:22

You can have a fire and theft policy.

Five quid a week.

65:22 - 65:26

It's because you're a Beatle

that your fingers wasn't on it.

65:26 - 65:29

- Is there a cure for nail biting?

- (Paul) Oh, yes.

65:29 - 65:32

Oh, yes!

65:32 - 65:47

I'm always getting winked at these days.

It used to be you, Paul.

65:47 - 65:48

Oh, Sorry Ringo.

65:48 - 66:22

Peep boo!

66:22 - 66:28

All the rungs have been neatly sawn

in the middle.

66:28 - 66:30

Ah, the window!

66:30 - 66:35

(Roaring)

66:35 - 66:38

- Your famous Ringo is safe.

- No, he isn't.

66:38 - 66:47

What? Cover all exits.

Sharp lookout.

66:47 - 67:02

(Roaring)

67:02 - 67:06

(Bottle clinks)

67:06 - 67:14

- Don't move.

- You heard what she said.

67:14 - 67:19

Do you know Beethoven's

9th symphony?

67:19 - 67:21

It goes like this...

67:21 - 67:24

(Whistles "Ode To Joy")

67:24 - 67:32

(Tiger roars)

67:32 - 67:37

- What?

- This trap door.

67:37 - 67:40

Oh, here you are...

67:40 - 67:46

Permit me.

67:46 - 67:50

It's Raja, the famous Bengal man-eater

who escaped from the zoo this morning.

67:50 - 67:53

- So it is!

- Don't worry, he's harmless.

67:53 - 67:57

All you have to do is sing Beethoven's

Ode to Joy from the 9th symphony.

67:57 - 68:02

- Why didn't you think of that?

- Raja was reared on the classics.

68:02 - 68:07

(John) Don't worry, just whistle famous

Beethoven's famous 9th symphony.

68:07 - 68:09

Come on! Come on!

68:09 - 68:11

(Sings "Ode To Joy" in German)

68:11 - 68:37

(Everybody sings)

68:37 - 68:45

(Chorus sings "Ode To Joy")

68:45 - 68:57

(Cheering)

68:57 - 68:59

Beep, beep!

68:59 - 69:01

Psst!

69:01 - 69:04

- (Ringo) Who let it out?

- Nobody will know.

69:04 - 69:07

We're not going there.

69:07 - 69:11

- We just put it round we're going there.

- We're not going there.

69:11 - 69:15

- We just put it round.

- So everyone thinks we're going there?

69:15 - 69:17

- I'd like to go there.

- You wouldn't like it.

69:17 - 69:33

- Where are we going?

- Never you mind.

69:33 - 69:42

(Cameras click)

69:42 - 70:05

- You're welcome.

- Goodbye, sir.

70:05 - 70:43

Him!

70:43 - 70:46

- Welcome to Nassau.

- Thank you very much.

70:46 - 70:50

I'd like to present PC 17...

70:50 - 70:52

- PC 6...

- Very smart.

70:52 - 70:55

- PC 47...

- Uh-huh.

70:55 - 70:58

- PC 6 of 3...

- Oh.

70:58 - 71:00

- PC 9...

- Hmm.

71:00 - 71:03

- PC 85...

- Mmm.

71:03 - 71:05

- PC 4...

- Yes.

71:05 - 71:13

PC 21, PC 85...

71:13 - 71:16

You should have thought of that

before you left the house.

71:16 - 71:20

Left... To shore...

Port, starboard!

71:20 - 71:25

♪ For I have got another girl

71:25 - 71:26

♪ Another girl

71:26 - 71:32

♪ You're making me say

that I've got nobody but you

71:32 - 71:37

♪ But as from today,

well I've got somebody that's new

71:37 - 71:41

♪ I ain't no fool and I don't take

what I don't want

71:41 - 71:47

♪ For I have got another girl

71:47 - 71:48

♪ Another girl

71:48 - 71:53

♪ She's sweeter than all the girls

and I met quite a few

71:53 - 71:59

♪ Nobody in all the world can do

what she can do

71:59 - 72:03

♪ And so I'm telling you

this time you'd better stop

72:03 - 72:08

♪ For I have got another girl

72:08 - 72:14

♪ Another girl who will love me

till the end

72:14 - 72:21

♪ Through thick and thin

she will always be my friend

72:21 - 72:26

♪ I don't wanna say

that I've been unhappy with you

72:26 - 72:31

♪ But as from today,

well I've seen somebody that's new

72:31 - 72:36

♪ I ain't no fool and I don't take

what I don't want

72:36 - 72:42

♪ For I have got another girl

72:42 - 72:47

♪ Another girl who will love me

till the end

72:47 - 72:54

♪ Through thick and thin

she will always be my friend

72:54 - 73:00

♪ I don't wanna say

that I've been unhappy with you

73:00 - 73:05

♪ But as from today,

well I've seen somebody that's new

73:05 - 73:10

♪ I ain't no fool and I don't take

what I don't want

73:10 - 73:15

♪ For I have got another girl

73:15 - 73:25

♪ Another girl, another girl ♪

73:25 - 73:32

- Lets play a game, eh? Beep-beeps.

- OK.

73:32 - 73:35

Beep-beep, beep-beep!

73:35 - 73:38

(Hollering)

73:38 - 73:43

Oh, oh, oh!

73:43 - 73:47

Radar's broken! Never mind.

73:47 - 73:51

(Hollers) Beatles! Hello!

73:51 - 73:53

Port... Starboard... Over there!

73:53 - 73:57

Oh, oh, oh!

73:57 - 74:05

Ah! A-ha, a-ha, a-ha!

74:05 - 74:08

Open that rock!

74:08 - 74:10

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

74:10 - 74:13

- Is that it?

- Better watch your fingers, Ringo!

74:13 - 74:17

Clang had the whole temple transported

here for your sacrifice.

74:17 - 74:19

He needn't have bothered.

Very nice of him, though.

74:19 - 74:23

- Whats this?

- This is where you'll be disembowelled.

74:23 - 74:26

You don't go for all that,

do you?

74:26 - 74:28

Keeps you busy, eh?

74:28 - 74:32

- Do you know where Clang is?

- I'm his mother and he's a good boy.

74:32 - 74:33

(Hollering)

74:33 - 74:36

I don't want to knock

anyone's religion, but...

74:36 - 74:41

- In here, quick.

- (Ringo) I can't swim.

74:41 - 74:50

I'm not going!

74:50 - 75:10

Where have they gone?

75:10 - 75:12

- Lets go back and get them!

- I'm game.

75:12 - 75:16

- Lets smash them!

- Lets find that temple.

75:16 - 75:20

- A man's got to do what he's got to do.

- I don't like running away.

75:20 - 75:23

- Lets go back and get them.

- They'll disembowel us.

75:23 - 75:27

- Not if I get the boot in first.

- Lets go back and get them.

75:27 - 75:46

They won't disembowel us, you see.

That's all gab - disembowelling...

75:46 - 75:49

- Signpost.

- Signpost.

75:49 - 75:52

- Guide book.

- Guide book.

75:52 - 75:56

- Feet.

- Feet? Oh, feet!

75:56 - 75:57

Red light.

75:57 - 76:00

Kaili!

76:00 - 76:12

- Green light, go!

- (Yells) Kaili!

76:12 - 76:15

The things we have to do

in these heathen countries.

76:15 - 76:29

There must be an easier way

to set a trap!

76:29 - 76:34

- Easterner speaks with forked tongue.

- What does he say?

76:34 - 76:37

Passing this way with hot foot

to the temple.

76:37 - 76:40

Don't encourage him!

You've got the part, Paul.

76:40 - 76:44

- Dare we ask how you know?

- How! I saw those footprints...

76:44 - 76:47

And this guidebook.

76:47 - 77:03

- To the temple.

- (Whistles)

77:03 - 77:21

After them... slowly!

77:21 - 77:25

- That's not it, is it?

- It's on the map as being here.

77:25 - 77:30

That temple under the rock,

that swimming pool that we came up in...

77:30 - 77:34

- I'm lost!

- This isn't a temple, is it?

77:34 - 77:38

- So this is a famous temple?

- Should be. It's gone.

77:38 - 77:41

I hope that disembowelling thingy

has gone, too.

77:41 - 77:44

- Was there ever a temple here?

- Never, sir.

77:44 - 77:49

Old army place. Well-known

place of retreat for courting couples

77:49 - 77:51

who like the echoes of bugles

as they court.

77:51 - 77:54

That's my theory.

77:54 - 77:56

Ugh!

77:56 - 77:58

- Aren't we going in?

- No, lets not.

77:58 - 78:01

Oh, come on lads,

where's that famous pluck?

78:01 - 78:04

- I haven't got any. Have you, George?

- Did have.

78:04 - 78:08

- I have had.

- I will have.

78:08 - 78:10

He's a bit soft that inspector,

isn't he?

78:10 - 78:12

He never takes his hat off.

78:12 - 78:30

It's very hot over here

for wearing a hat.

78:30 - 78:35

- I'm off.

- Typical!

78:35 - 78:37

(Yells) Kaili!

78:37 - 78:39

Argh!

78:39 - 78:44

- Kaili!

- Kaili!

78:44 - 78:46

(Electric buzz)

78:46 - 78:50

The fiends! They've electrified

the wire with high tension. HT.

78:50 - 79:06

The fiends!

79:06 - 79:08

(Hollers) Help me!

79:08 - 79:10

Help!

79:10 - 79:12

He's mine!

79:12 - 79:15

Help!

79:15 - 79:42

Help me!

79:42 - 79:48

There's one on the back,

but its not the right one.

79:48 - 79:54

Come here, boy! Let me explain.

79:54 - 80:00

This is no time for foolish tricks!

This is a hired car.

80:00 - 80:03

Back up and smash him off.

80:03 - 80:07

(Algernon) Now, this will get him!

80:07 - 80:11

Oh! Never mind. Try again.

80:11 - 80:17

This should give him a headache.

80:17 - 80:20

Where's he gone?

80:20 - 80:23

- That's done it, he's gone.

- I can't start the car.

80:23 - 80:26

- (Engine splutters)

- Hello.

80:26 - 80:31

Oh, hello! Hang on a minute...

80:31 - 80:36

On, on!

80:36 - 80:38

I seem to be having

a slight difficulty.

80:38 - 80:51

To the right! oh...

80:51 - 80:56

- I think it might be the wrong key.

- On!

80:56 - 80:59

On!

80:59 - 81:04

(Engine starts)

81:04 - 81:20

(Algernon) Got it.

Didn't take long, did it?

81:20 - 81:28

Thanks for the lift, sailor!

81:28 - 81:31

- Where did the thugs go?

- They've vanished.

81:31 - 81:33

- He's got a plan.

- Avery famous plan.

81:33 - 81:35

Superintendent, you've got a plan.

81:35 - 81:37

- Yes...

- Superintendent.

81:37 - 83:21

I've got a plan.

83:21 - 83:23

(Hollers) Ringo!

83:23 - 83:25

Ringo!

83:25 - 83:28

- Ringo!

- Ringo!

83:28 - 83:30

- Ringo!

- Ringo!

83:30 - 83:32

Ringo!

83:32 - 83:34

(Dogs bark)

83:34 - 83:46

Ringo!

83:46 - 83:47

All right, talk!

83:47 - 83:55

We know he's a prisoner,

but where?

83:55 - 83:57

- I'm a perfect surgeon.

- Huh?

83:57 - 84:00

- I'm a perfect surgeon.

- He was asked to take it up.

84:00 - 84:03

Alas... Scalpel.

84:03 - 84:12

Sca...

84:12 - 84:15

Sand in the generator.

84:15 - 84:18

It gets everywhere. No wonder

I never get anything done.

84:18 - 84:21

Fix it, Algernon.

84:21 - 84:24

You wouldn't want me to go in

with a blunt scalpel.

84:24 - 84:26

Fix it!

84:26 - 84:30

I'm a decent employer,

but he takes advantage of me.

84:30 - 84:37

- It's the heat, it makes him stroppy.

- Luckily.

84:37 - 84:40

I've got some juice.

84:40 - 84:44

(Ringo) I can't understand it. They kept

pulling my nose. Mine of all noses!

84:44 - 84:48

- Whats that?

- Distilled from the essence of orchids.

84:48 - 84:52

Hands up!

84:52 - 84:54

- Whats that?

- Distilled from the essence...

84:54 - 84:59

Not distilled from the essence of orchids

found only in certain recesses?

84:59 - 85:05

At last! I'll have my just reward.

Give it to me! Sir Tberius Foot Juice!

85:05 - 85:08

- But the ring...

- Who needs it now that I have this.

85:08 - 85:11

- Do you know what this is?

- A Webley automatic...

85:11 - 85:15

It's Nobel Prize juice. Set sail for home,

for England! A jewel set in the sea!

85:15 - 85:18

The government in the palm of my hand.

Whats it say?

85:18 - 85:20

- You're going on a sea voyage...

- No, this!

85:20 - 85:24

- (Algernon) I don't know.

- Haven't you a degree in Eastern?

85:24 - 85:27

- (Algernon) I don't think so.

- Lets get it translated.

85:27 - 85:33

- Now!

- Right!

85:33 - 85:43

- I can't swim.

- What do you mean you can't swim?

85:43 - 85:46

(Clang) Treacherous Woman,

tremble...

85:46 - 85:49

In the name of Preverti,

daughter of the mountains,

85:49 - 85:52

whose embrace with Rani

made the whole world tremble.

85:52 - 85:55

- Wait till my mates get you.

- I don't think so...

85:55 - 86:00

We've had two battalions flown in

specially to ambush your friends.

86:00 - 86:02

They're quite merciless.

86:02 - 86:08

One word of warning from you

and you die instantly.

86:08 - 86:11

Oh, mother Kaili,

86:11 - 86:13

whose name is the Terrible...

86:13 - 86:15

I'm going to miss the sacrifice.

86:15 - 86:18

(Clang) ...whose name

is the inaccessible,

86:18 - 86:24

whose name is the Black Mother,

mother of darkness!

86:24 - 86:25

We turn our hearts to...

86:25 - 86:27

(Ringo) No!

86:27 - 86:29

(Clang) ...drinker of blood...

86:29 - 86:32

- It's off! I'm saved!

- ...killer of demons,

86:32 - 86:36

drink of this vessel,

gorge on this blood, our offering...

86:36 - 86:40

Get sacrificed!

I don't subscribe to your religion!

86:40 - 86:44

- There he is!

- It just came off!

86:44 - 86:46

(Yells) Quickly! After them!

86:46 - 86:48

I'm going to miss the sacrifice.

86:48 - 86:52

- It came off! I just showed courage.

- How many fingers you got left?

86:52 - 86:55

- You're all red again.

- I'm beginning to like it.

86:55 - 86:59

Ah... So! Ha!

86:59 - 87:01

He who wears the ring...

87:01 - 87:04

♪ Help! I need somebody

87:04 - 87:06

♪ Help! Not just anybody

87:06 - 87:09

♪ Help! You know I need someone

87:09 - 87:11

♪ Help!

87:11 - 87:16

♪ When I was younger,

so much younger than today

87:16 - 87:21

♪ I never needed anybody's help

in anyway

87:21 - 87:27

♪ But now these days are gone

I'm not so self assured

87:27 - 87:31

♪ Now I find I've changed my mind,

I've opened up the doors

87:31 - 87:36

♪ Help me if you can

I'm feeling down

87:36 - 87:41

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

87:41 - 87:46

♪ Help me get my feet back

on the ground

87:46 - 87:52

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

87:52 - 87:57

♪ And now my life has changed

in oh so many ways

87:57 - 88:02

♪ My independence seems to vanish

in the haze

88:02 - 88:07

♪ But ev'ry now and then

I feel so insecure

88:07 - 88:12

♪ I know that I just need you like

I've never done before

88:12 - 88:16

♪ Help me if you can

I'm feeling down

88:16 - 88:22

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

88:22 - 88:27

♪ Help me get my feet back

on the ground

88:27 - 88:32

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

88:32 - 88:38

♪ When I was younger,

so much younger than today

88:38 - 88:43

♪ I never needed anybody's help

in anyway

88:43 - 88:48

♪ But now these days are gone

I'm not so self assured

88:48 - 88:53

♪ Now I find I've changed my mind,

I've opened up the doors

88:53 - 88:57

♪ Help me if you can

I'm feeling down

88:57 - 89:03

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

89:03 - 89:07

♪ Help me get my feet back

on the ground

89:07 - 89:11

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

89:11 - 89:14

♪ Help me, help me

89:14 - 89:21

♪ Ooh ♪