Life Advice

Well, a shameful, lop-sided, amateurish woollen bat Looked at you sideways It was the kind you get in a rotary club jumble sale Which is what you were in fact at Between jars of horrible antique jam And the kind of vase that it's impossible to imagine Well, who designed them? and who made them? And who bought them? and why they're not already broken? And floral throws real flowers wouldn't be seen dead in Home-made pots with plastic ones looking depressed in Well this bat, he was twirling from a woollen string And he looked at you And he said "Well, never look back" You thought, "That's good advice" Advice for life Yeah, good advice But then someone tapped you on the shoulder Now imagine you're writing in a snow storm Correcting addresses with a broken Biro before you post them Your glasses are clouded with understandable frustration Teeth chattering like peanuts on a slalom Then some guy you don't recognise comes along and butts in His hair's all knotted from being out so long in the wind He's in a poncho, sunglasses, a saucy grin Stares you in the face and says "Well, take it all in your stride" Well, that's good advice Advice for life Good advice But then he got on his bike Finally, she's walking along the side of a mausoleum Gets her foot trapped in one of those grates with the big gaps in Droves of tourists in flip-flops just walk straight by And the community service officer just stares her right in the eyes A feral dog sprays all over her new handbag The sun goes down, she misses her school run And then some old lady comes along, pointing her fag And almost in song, she says "Well, don't look down on anyone" Well that's good advice Advice for life Yeah, good advice Advice for life Oh, good advice Advice for life Yeah, good advice But then she turned into a graveyard