One Of Four

1 of 4...

My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz

I was born in one-nine-seven-six, at Syosset hospital

Located in Long Island, NY

I am six foot, four. I weigh two-zero-zero pounds

I have brown hair, and green eyes

I enjoy writing songs, painting, movies, and diner food

I have two brothers, Chris and Graham

And two parents, Paul and Damita

In August of two-zero-zero-one, I went crazy...

This was originally not for public consumption

This was made for four people...

Four people that literally saved my life

They know who they are...

And uh, I mean I could live to be a thousand years old and never repay them

I don't think this song would pay for them

But hopefully by putting it out

It'll push the thank you a little further...

This ain't a burner for the whips. (No, it isn't)

This ain't even Aesop Rock fly earthworm demeanor. (No, it isn't)

My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz, and I was born in Long Island, New York, seventy-six

Before Graham and after Chris... OK

In August of two thousand one, my seemingly splinter-proof brain bone-scaffolding imploded

I kept it on the hush, but nearly tumbling

To the cold hard concrete on mere bodega trips

For cigarettes and soda, shook me to Casper

Dizzy with an argent chaser, motor sensory eraser

Agoraphobe tunnel-vision, guilt, self-loathing arrangement

Rose rapidly out a bog I'd never fished in

That abates three separate foreign meds

While I was used to hook-line-and-sinker-simple fission

Simple, primitive, self-taught easing of soul, mind and body

But the symptoms rejected my caveman Modus Operandi

So now it's one fish, belly up, through medicated mileage

And shrinks that get $250 an hour for awkward silence

And, I'd be lying if I said all of this

Made even the slightest fragment of sense to me

That's real... Simply put

I don't know what happened, or what's still happening

I literally feel like I'm teetering on the blunt edge of my sanity

JAMIE, I killed the robots and I'm sorry

Broke down in front of you. Embarrassed

But you lent a heart and hand that only you could

You're one of my best friends and, yes, I'd take that bullet for you

That's my word, which is about all I have left

TONY, I know you know I'm crazy, 'cause you told me

But that didn't ever bother you

I hold you as my brother 'til death

And I got your back if ever the drunk goblins step

For makin' a cat laugh, when I was walking with the dead

KATHERINE, mother figure, older sister. Concerned beyond limits

Letting me know I wasn't the only one with this

Continuous offers for vacation, Chicago visits

Talked me through repair of a head full of broken pistons

RIYAH, for the late night movie rentals and the company I needed

An' you knew it, but I just wouldn't admit it

You'd listen to me blab about my issues for hours

Offer incredible advice, gave me a hug when I was finished

Am I a jack of all trades? Nope... I like to write songs, though

Are they good? I dunno...

But I could tell you that I only write shit down when I believe it

So take this how you want, but know I mean it

I want you all to know that I'm scared out my fuckin' crooked soul

Never faced a monster like the last few months ever in my whole life...

I wish I could explain this better, (I can't)

But the pieces won't formulate it to anything even close to cohesive

So I guess this is my feeble way to thank you;

Four soldiers that extended something sacred off the purity of kindness

I owe you all my life and please don't argue with that statement

'Cause without y'all I may not have a life to offer, take it

Thank you

I wish I could explain this better

Thank you

I'm sorry for burdening your pleasures

Thank you

I love you all with all that's left of me. (Thank you)

For helping try to kill what made a mess of me. (Thank you)

Somehow, someway, (Thank you)

I'mma get you back someday. (Thank you)

Just gotta figure this all out... So...

I guess it is kind of funny when you look at it from a step back

How one man can literally buckle under the same pressures

Other men operate normally under

I have scoped this out from all angles, multiple times

I have been over everything in my head, 'til I can't think anymore

But I guess sometimes, when you can't breathe, there are people there

To breathe for you

I am lucky enough to have those people around me

Thank you for helping me to not die

Thank you for helping me to not die

Pocket full of pennies, and a soul gone tilt

Cockpit full of memories and a drain full of guilt