The Flying Saucer Song

[Spoken (Man 1, Man 2)]

Hey, what's happening?

Hey, what's shaking? How's your old lady?

Oh, she's fine, you know, a little hemorrhoidal problem, but, you know what I...

Oh, so what's happenin'?

Nothin' much, except, um... I had a weird experience the other night

Is that right?

Yeah, you see, um... I was walkin' along, you know, minding my own...

Yeah

I looked off to my right, and I... saw this strange light

A light?

That's right. So anyway what happened, was it got me thinkin' about this poem I read once

A poem, huh?

Yeah, a poem. It's like...

Late last night in search of light, I watched a ball of fi--

You don't mind if I do this for you, do ya, man?

Hey, hey, I was only puttin' you on, it's your record, you know what I mean? Carry on, do whatever you want

Well, alright!

[Verse]

Late last night in search of light

I watched a ball of fire streak across the midnight sky

I watched it glow, then grow, then shrink, then sink into the silhouette of morning

As I watched it die

[Spoken (Man 1, Man 2)]

You know what I said to myself? I said, hey! I got a lot in common with that light

That's right

Ya see...

[Verse]

I'm alive with a fire, my life

It streaks across my span of time

And is seen by those who lift their eyes in search of light

To help them through the long, dark night

[Spoken (Man 1, Man 2, Bartender)]

Hey, you know that's alright

Well, thanks, man. It's just a poem I learned a long time ago

It's still alright, but tell me somethin'. What happened?

Well, you see, that wasn't the funny thing that happened to me. You see, the funny thing that happened to me was that... well, it got me thinking about this man I met a few years back, in this bar, sorta, and he, uh... Well, he told me a sort of a strange, uh, you know... flying saucer story

Flying saucers, huh?

Yeah, you see, one night, he was walkin' along, mindin' his own, and looked off to his right, and he saw this strange light too

A light, right?

Right. So anyway, he started off to investigate this light off to his right, right?

Right

He got about halfway across this field, and he realized what he was doing, you know. I mean, after all, there he was in the middle of a field, in the middle of the night, investigating this weird light off to the right, right?

Right. So what happened?

Well, to make a long story short... uh, you know, shorter, he split

You mean he split?

Yeah. You know, just, um...

Jesus. Alright, so what happened with you?

Well, I got to thinkin' 'bout this guy in the story, you know, the poem and everything, you know?

Yeah

Well, so I split too, you understand?

You split?

Yeah, I split

Split

Split! S-P-L-I-T!

Shit. Well, I got to split now myself, see, uh, listen, I hope your wife and her whatchamacallits get better real fast, and all that, and...

Hey, wait, wait, wait a minute, hey, wait!

Wait a minute for what, man? What d'you think you're doing? You turning into crusades or somethin'? That's the dumbest story I've ever heard in my life

What'cha mean? Listen, I'm tellin' you the truth!

That's nice, but, uh... you ever hear the one about the guy with the wooden eye?

Hey, now, don't do that to me, man, I mean... Well, let me put it this way

Listen, shit. You know somethin'? You're crazy. You know that?

Wha... hey. Don't you call me crazy, man. Let me ask you something, what would you have done, man?

Well, to begin with, I wouldn't have told this story, you understand?

That's easy for you to say, but it happened to me, you know what I mean?

Hey, listen, man, don't be some asshole, you tryin' to pull my--

Hey, you're calling me an asshole?

No, I'm not, I'm just saying you're an asshole, you know what I'm sayi--

Hey, you guys... Alright, alright, alright, let's clean up this language, let's clean it up, come on. Either you clean up this language, or get out of this place

Hey, man, man called me an asshole!

Alright, that's enough of those words, now either you talk clean or you get outta here!

I'm still sayin', ah... it's not me, it's just that you are an asshole, you understand?

Hey, you know somethin'? You know what's gonna happen to you?

Now listen, don't you raise that glass. Understand?

Hey, you know what I could do if I wanted to... Hey, you don't make me angry or nothin' here. I'm just tryin' to talk to you, you asked me, said "How am I doing", I said "Okay", you ask me how my lady was, I told you, said "What's new?". I'm tellin' you about this story, about what happened to me the other night! I was really walkin' along, I really looked off to my right, I really did see a light off in the middle of the night off to my right, I really did tell you everything, and that's right! You understand?

Alright, alright, alright, alright, I gotta go now

God damn it, man! What are you doin' to me, man? You're making me look like a fool!

Oh, that's easy, all you have to do is look in your own mirror

Aye, man!

Alright, watch your language!

Hey, man, didn't you hear me singin' a while ago?

Uh, hey, let me ask you guys somethin', are you a group or anything?

Group?

Well, I heard you singin' before, I thought maybe you's a group, you know?

Hey, hey, why don't you just get paid? You serve the drinks, you know, you wipe them glasses, leave us alone. Hey, you know what? Let's go to some other bar

Well, alright