Death by Panamera

I have a private list

I tell no one about

of terrible things

that might never happen to me.

A supernova inventory

of star-shaped fears

that explodes and expands

when things get out of hand

Top of the list:

1. Carrening off a cliff

when I am 56

in a 911 Carrera

2. Having no friends

Being forgotten in the end

(Would death be avoided

if I drove a Panamera?)

3. Depending on strangers

Growing older alone

Having kids

Being trapped

in a life I don't own

4. Remaining child-free

and living in peace

but never knowing love

as dazzling or deep

5. Is the strangest one on the list

I'm scared to be happy

I'm scared that I'll miss

being sad

Even though

I so want

to be free

But I've known it so long

I don't want it to leave

and I guess that's the end

of a list I don't need