I don't want the same anymore

I am aware of

how comfortable

I am being ignored

how comfortable

I am living

on a tightrope

waiting for a man’s

attention to somersault

and land on me.

More disconcerting

is when he

communicates frequently

Trains of texts

arriving curiously

on time

Instinctively I feel

overwhelmed

retreat into a corner

the rules

of the game

interrupted.

I have high tolerance

for low contact

which attracts

ramshackle types;

the emotionally rusty

with brains like boxes

of nuts and bolts

Pairs of magnets

simultaneously repelling

and attracting each other

Stuck

in our

own tragicomedy.

I don’t want to be prey

for old patterns

I’ve read books, taken courses

gone to therapy

Please believe me, God

when I say:

I don’t want the same anymore.