Beer & NyQuil (Hold It Together)

I took forty-five steps today:
Couch to bathroom to kitchen to couch
Thanksgiving '15 in a loft across from a cemetery
Drinking beer & NyQuil in this old mill
It's burnt out from a fire back in '93
Gentrified and standing tall

I feel like I'm stuck on an island
I've been more than selfish
Wishing I could be landlocked again
I want to do something great
Instead I'll question my age
And wonder why I'm such a mess

And now I want to be more than me
More for my friends and the four people left in my family
I'm so sick of everything always bringing me down
I'll try not to break my neck
Get my feet on the ground
So I don't have to be a burden –
Some sad kid up in bed

I've resigned my happiness to "lack thereof."
Guess nothing's perfect in the end
I'll be alright
I'll upend every good thing that I'll find
But I'll keep pissing in the wind

I want to be the one
I want to know what I love
I want to hold it together
But that's not an option anymore