Routine Pain

On any given day I'm a 610.
Bed to desk to bar - eyes on the floor.
Still apologizing for the way I've been.
Each breath more full of shit than the one before.
I know the negative consumes me.
Guess I'm alright.
Let the guilt pass right through me while
My friends are taking dives
Off of cliffs and I just worry
About the songs I'll never write.
It don't matter
they don't want to hear me on the other side.
So let me ruin my guts tonight.
On any given day it hurts to stand up straight.
Erasing the same message from my phone.
Reaching out to friends who probably think that I am dead.
I should want to go home but I won't.
These past four months I've been so angry.
I'm not alright.
Can you please come look right through me
And try to give a reason why?
I don't know you or why you'd care,
But the devil's loose inside
And I'm so sick of saying sorry when I cry.
Let me ruin my guts tonight.
You can haunt me 'til the world ends,
And we melt in the sunlight.
Just let me ruin my guts tonight.
On any given day I'm out to break your heart.
On any day you'll bleed me my self-worth.
I'm done asking what's the point
Of finishing the things we start.
When we've got ten years with these bodies,
And maybe twenty on this Earth.
But you said,
We can't take another summer in this place.
Everyone in this bar is the same.
Everywhere I look, it's just routine pain.
I'm so sick of treading water.
Am I gonna be this down forever?
Am I gonna be this dumb forever?
Am I gonna be this gone forever?
Am I gonna be this numb forever?
Then have you ever felt lower than everyone else?
I'm feeling lower than anyone else.
If everything's lower than everything else,
I want to see how much lower we can go.