Pantomime: Everywhere It's Christmas

[All, singing]

Everywhere, it's Christmas, everywhere it's song

London, Paris, Rome and New York, and Tokyo, Hong Kong

Oh, everywhere it's Christmas, and I'm off to join the cheer!

Everywhere, it's Christmas, at the end of every year!

Oh, everywhere it's Christmas, at the end of every year!

I said that, everywhere it's Christmas, at the end of every year!

One more time now!

Everywhere it's Christmas

[All, singing in choral style]

Or-away-nyaa, or-away-nyaa, or-away-nyaa, ooh

In-do-manja, in-do-manja, in-do-manja, ooh

[Paul McCartney]

Our story opens in Corsica

On the verandah is a bearded man in glasses, conducting a small choir

[All, singing in choral style]

Or-away-nyaa, or-away-nyaa, or-away-nyaa

[Ringo Starr]

Meanwhile, high in the Swiss Alps, two elderly Scotchmen munch on a rare cheese

[George Harrison]

Mmm

Wonderful stuff this, Agnes

[John Lennon]

Aye, it's wonderful stuff

[Yodeling]

[John Lennon]

I'm standing in the entrance to the main tent. Immediately behind me, the festivities have already begun

[Sounds of people cheering, chattering, and wine glasses clinking]

[John Lennon]

Tell me, are you enjoying the wine?

[Paul McCartney]

I am indeed your Highness

It goes well with me

[More cheering and chatter]

[John Lennon]

The King seems to be enjoying himself tonight!

You might not have seen him in such good fun, since the October festival!

[Cheering and chatter continues]

[John Lennon]

Alright, is there a doctor here?

Is there a doctor round here?

Did anybody see one?

[George Harrison]

At the same time as this, in the captain's mess on board H.M.S. Tremendous, a toast is being proposed

[Ringo Starr]

To her majesty!

[All]

To her majesty!

[slowed-down laughter]

[Paul McCartney]

Podgy the bear and Jasper, were huddled around the unlit fire in the centre of the room

[George Harrison]

There are no more matches left, Podgy

[Paul McCartney]

Said Jasper

[John Lennon]

Then buy some, Jasper, old friend

[Paul McCartney]

Said Podgy

[John Lennon]

Make a list, and afterwards we'll go to the shop, and buy matches, and candles and buns

[George Harrison]

There's no more paper to write on, Podgy

[John Lennon]

No need to worry, Jasper

You keep saying to yourself matches, and I'll keep saying candles until we reach the shop, then we won't need to write it down, we'll remember

[George Harrison]

Will we remember the buns, Podgy?

[John Lennon]

We both will, Jasper

Matches

[George Harrison]

Candles

[John Lennon]

Matches

[George Harrison]

Candles

[John Lennon]

Matches

[George Harrison]

Candles

[John Lennon]

Matches

[George Harrison]

Candles

[John Lennon]

Matches

[George Harrison]

Candles

[Paul McCartney]

In the long, dark corridors of Felpin Mansions, a door slams

[Door slam]

[Paul McCartney]

And the shadowy figure of Count Balder appears

The Count is the eccentric son of Baron Landsberg, the inventor of the rack

He speaks

[John Lennon]

Guten Tagen, meinen Damen und Herren, welcome to Felpin Mansions

The butler will show you to your rooms

Butler!

[Ringo Starr]

Yes, sir!

[John Lennon]

Show the ladies and gentlemen to their rooms

[Ringo Starr]

Yessir! Come this way, please!

[Sound of footsteps]

[Paul McCartney]

Come in

[John Lennon]

May I come in?

[Paul McCartney]

Come, come in, Count!

[John Lennon]

May I?

[Paul McCartney]

Oh, yes, come in

[John Lennon]

Ah, thank you

I was wondering if you knew any of the songs from the good 'ol days

[Paul McCartney]

Oh, my goodness, yes, don't you worry on that score

I hear the Baron likes, uh, I hear the Baron likes the good old tunes

[John Lennon]

Yes, I do

[Paul McCartney]

So do I, Count, so do I, but they're all melodies, aren't they?

No, don't worry, I'll play this one, do you like this one?

Listen to this one

[Paul, singing]

Please don't bring your banjo bag, I ain't know where it's been

I wasn't hardly gone a day, when it became the scene

Banjos, banjos, all the time, I can't forget that tune

And if I ever see another banjo, I'm going out to buy a big balloon

[All, singing and clapping]

And if I ever see another banjo, I'm going out to buy a big balloon

And if I ever see another banjo, I'm going out to buy a toy balloon

And if I ever see another banjo, I'm going out to buy a toy balloon

And if I ever see another bloom, I'm going out to buy a toy balloon

[Paul McCartney]

Yes, everywhere it's Christmas

[All, singing]

Everywhere, it's Christmas, everywhere it's song

London, Paris, Rome and New York, and Tokyo, Hong Kong

Oh, everywhere it's Christmas, and I'm off to join the cheer!

Everywhere, it's Christmas, at the end of every year!

Oh, everywhere it's Christmas, at the end of every year!

I said that everywhere it's Christmas, at the end of every year!

One more time now!

Everywhere, it's Christmas, at the end of every year

[Paul McCartney]

Jolly good, jolly good