Piglet

You'd already been about half an hour

With your pre-clubbing shower

Now I'd always planned to have a look

In your special Winnie the Pooh book

The place was marked and it was there in blue and white -

It just said simply, "Paul stayed last night"

Next I was on the bog

And you got down on one knee

You were protesting your innocence and you started to cry

Just as I started to pee

You said, "I didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the kitchen

He might as well be a girl

He's good for a laugh and he's good for bitchin'"

You said you'd never be willing or able

And he looks like he was made on a fucking table

Although, to be fair, I think he hides the bolts quite well

But as soon as he opens his mouth you can just tell

I had just assumed you'd completely gone off shagging

And I can just see you with your new uni pals, standing bragging

Now he's your boyfriend and I know you were talking shite

But you still denied it when I met you at someone's birthday party the other night

You said, "I didn't shag him, he stayed on the couch in the kitchen

He's just like one of the girls

We have a good laugh when we're sitting bitchin'"

The words that you used to think turned me on just made me laugh -

"do you want to suck my cunt?" in real life just sounds naff

And when we were with your friends I just as may as well have been no one

And you can't get over your dead dog - well it takes one to know one