Ozzie Guillen

It's hot and hazy

I feel like Alonzo Spellman when he went crazy

Hitchhiking in a hospital gown

Until Samurai Mike came and cooled him down

Man, Maureen made a real nice spread

Cole slaw, kabobs, noodles and deviled eggs

I feel like The Fridge when he met Reagan

Filet mignon, baked potato, sour cream and bacon

I haven't felt this way since Superbowl Twenty

Or that time I met the Beringers outside of Ricobene's

Ozzie Guillen

Ozzie Guillen

I swear O'Douls never made me feel like this

Dancing to Phil Collins, loose by the hips

Like Willie Gault, normally I'm Steve Fuller

It's not my fault that I knocked over the cooler

The meat's from Moo and Oinks in the dirt, wash it off

Raise up your flame and put on some extra 'que sauce

I keep whizzing, I keep eating all the chicken

I jumped in the pool with Maureen's dog Mittens

I'm sopping wet

My Zubaz are off

My Brooks are so heavy

Ozzie Guillen

Ozzie Guillen

Ozzie Guillen

Man, O'Douls is making me feel tired

My Craig Hodges jersey is dirty

My shorts are in the dryer

I feel like Mongo in '86 in his suite

Hanging out with McMahon after the Bears got beat

Or Lee Smith when they lost to the Padres

Or when "Hawk" Dawson got hit in the face and got dazed

I still don't forgive Eric Show to this day

Or Scottie Pippen when told Phil he wouldn't play, like

Ozzie Guillen

Oh, you gonna let Toni Kucoc take the last shot?

Ozzie Guillen

I lost to a kid in checkers

And if I drive home this way call Victory Auto Wreckers

Now it's night and I'm sleeping on Maureen's hood

Sleeping on a Thunderbird with no shorts don't feel good

Jueles has my keys and folded up my dry shorts

She opens up the Fiero and I hop in head first

Juelie, my Brooks are soaking wet

My O'Douls just didn't taste right

Jueles said "Hey Kenny," I said "Yeah"

She said "Kenny baby, you know you were drinking Bud Light?"

I said "What?"

Ozzie Guillen

Ozzie Guillen

Ozzie Guillen

(Good job with the noodles, Maureen.)

Ozzie Guillen