[Verse 1]
Hey there, little boys and girls
Hey there, little boys and girls (Mmkay?)
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob
(Huh?) Say hi Bob! ("Hi, Bob!")
Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom
And he don't got a job
'Cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
But his twelve-year-old brother looks up to him an awful lot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
And wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock
When it's late and the lot gets dark
And fake like he walks his dog, drag 'em in the woods
And go straight to the chopping blocks
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
The ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge
'Til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
When she felt someone grab her whole face
And said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said: "Knock it off!"
But Bob wouldn't knock it off
'Cause he's crazy and off his rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor
He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her
(AAH!) And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana
And what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any—it's bad for you
[Hook]
The kids, the kids!
Don't forget about the kids, the kids!
Shady, what about the kids, the kids?
Do somethin' positive for kids, the kids!
Shady, what about the kids, the kids?
You gotta save the kids!
[Verse 2]
My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
Fuck no, you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Hehehehe!)
Speakin' of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy, it's the worst drug in the world
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
Kids, two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back
Meet Zach, twenty-one years old
After hangin' out with some friends
At a frat party, he gets bold
And decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys (C'mon!)
And the peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
Suddenly, he starts to convulse
And his pulse goes into hyperdrive
And his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*}
His back starts to look like the McDonald's Arches
He's on Donald's carpet, layin horizontal, barfin' {*BLEH*}
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him
"H- hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!"
'Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
So they're laughing at basically nothing
Except maybe wasting the money
Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
And his back and his shoulders
Hunched up like he's practicin' yoga (*gasp*)
And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac
So don't even feed that to squirrels, class
'Cause it's bad for you
[Hook: Teacher]
The kids, the kids!
Shady, what about the kids-
Don't forget about the kids, the kids!
[Verse 3]
And last but not least, one of the most humungous
Problems among young people today is fungus
It grows from cow manure
They pick it out, wipe it off, bag it up
And you put it- put it- put it- put it- put it-
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