No Santa Claus (Christmas Tales)

[Intro: Kon Artis & Kuniva]

So everybody (Everybody)

Hope you know there's no Santa Claus (You know)

You know they lying to us all

Don't no fat man give out toys, y'all

[Verse 1: Kuniva]

Now I remember Christmas, waking up in pissy pajamas

I never would've guessed that Santa Claus was my Mama

That's fucked up, I thought lying was bold (That was different!)

But this fucking lie is twelve years old

All the time we was making them cookies and burning brownies?

Making sure I was asleep

Sending my brother to spy on me was bullshit? (Hell Yeah)

What you mean stop cursin'? I can say it again

Damn, ain't lyin' a sin?

Don't get me wrong - I appreciate the shit you bought me

But don't you think it goes against everything you taught me?

Be honest; tell the truth; It'll set you free

A fat white man with no heat on this street? (Nigga, please!)

I done sat on this motherfuckers lap with his sack

Telling him that I've been good and all of that

You mean to tell me all of that was an act? Y'all some hoes

Wait a minute, don't take my toys back! That's not cool!

[Verse 2: Bizarre & Kuniva]

Sorry kids, out here, your daddy's broke

'Cause my check's late from Interscope (Sorry)

I wanted to buy you a G.I. Joe and a stuffed bunny

I got $500 but that's my weed money (Gotta smoke!)

Plus your momma just booked and gone

Fuck christmas, I'm tryna keep the heat and lights on, damnit

Man, I thought you got two Gs from The Eminem Show

It's already gone - I owed it to D-Bo (My money, punk!)

And I ain't got the video game that you wanted

Here's your Double Dribble on Atari 2600 (Aw, daddy)

You know Bizarre don't celebrate holidays

I'll buy you a pound of weed on your next birthday (Hahahaha)

[Verse 3: Swifty McVay]

I regret that I ever wrote a Christmas list

I found this shit in my mother's dress (Ain't this my stuff bitch)

My parents wasn't rich, they getting all this shit

But for what reason? Damn, mama, what about the rent?

This tree, it don't fit; to hell with Saint Nick

And this shit, they liable of burning down the crib

But when I light trees, you acting like I did something major

You better stop brainwashing your kids - I'm pissed in the winter

And since that nigga Swift didn't get a gift, I'll admit the Grinch was my nigga

So fuck a holiday - I'd say ignore it

Don't give me shit if I have to wait a year for it

[Verse 4: Kon Artis]

I need a PlayStation, Xbox, and GameCube, goddamit (Yeah)

I know you got the money - I saw you steal it from grandma

Ain't no lyin' to me this year 'cause now i'm thirteen

I know how to smoke weed and I'm all about green (Yeah!)

I'm grown now, how you ain't know?

There's hair on my nuts and at school I got hoes

So I need these new clothes to be under the tree

And an R. Kelly tape for me and my boys to see (R. Kelly!)

It really don't make no sense

You run around like a chicken with your head cut off (Aw, shit!)

Ain't buy a damn thing that I asked for again

Where's my money? (Huh?) Where's the bitches? (Huh?) Where's my damn Corvette? (Huh?)