Pets

[Intro]

One, two, three, four

[Verse 1]

Well pets don't care about your new haircut

And a pet doesn't give a crap about your recent hernia operation

But I think it might be important to have a pet

But then again y'know it's hard to move around with a pet

And pets don't know about the geopolitical situation

Well this can be comforting, but it can also be distracting

And a pet requires care and costs money

But you can probably afford one, especially if you give up smoking

[Chorus]

Oh, pets

I'm thinking all about pets

I think it'd improve my life if I got a pet

Yeah, pets

[Verse 2]

And pets ensure that you leave the house

'Cause they need walking

But this can also get annoying

And what if you buy your pet when it's very small

And then it grows up not to like you as a person?

Well, pets can get you rather obsessed

Sometimes you can't see when your pet is doing wrong

Cause you love your pet so much

Well pets are a kind of animal

But can a plant be a pet?

No

[Chorus]

Pets

I'm thinking all about pets

I think it might improve my life if I got a pet

And what's better, to have a partner or to have a pet?

I don't know

[Verse 3]

Well, try not to run over your pet

And don't keep your pet in a plastic bag

Unless your pet is a carton of milk

An ant and a twig don't make a very good pets because they're easy to lose

And watch out for hippies, y'know they keep rocks as pets

And one good thing about a pet is that you can teach it tricks

Well even when it's old, y'know that's a common misconception

But pets can't play the guitar and aren't very useful

But apparently Phil Collins keeps a worm that knows how to drum

And I hear that Patti Smith's favourite pet is an earring

And unfortunately a pet can't sit next to you on a plane

But someone should really set up an airline in which they can

Don't you think?

[Bridge]

And if you need to take your pet on a plane

Well if it's a pigeon you can keep it down your trousers

Or if it's a tortoise you can disguise it as a hamburger

Or disguise it as a codpiece

[Chorus]

Oh, pets

Y'know, I'm thinking all about pets

I think it'd improve my life if I got a pet

Yeah, pets

And this bit's for the kids

[Verse 4]

You know a cat goes woof

And a dog goes miaow

And a little mouse goes cocka-doodle-doo

And a Pokémon card goes nothing

And an oyster goes *click*

And a little rabbit goes sniff sniff sniff

And a carton of milk goes nothing again

And something goes something

And nothing goes

And a periodontal scalpel goes *slurp, pop*

And your mother goes "stop"

And your dad goes "carry on"

[Chorus]

Two, three, four, pets

Yes I'm thinking all about pets

I think it's improve my life if I got a pet

What's better, to have a partner or to have a pet?

I don't know