You Never Phone

(performed as a duet with Martha Wainwright)

Loudon:

You never phone, you never write

Hey, I've stopped hoping that you might

You're trying to hurt my feelings, right?

You never phone and you never write

Martha:

You never write, you never phone

I'm sorry I gotta bitch and moan

I'm sorry I gotta pick this bone

You never write, you never phone

Both:

Sometimes I wonder

What you must think of me

My address and phone number

Must be misty in your memory

Loudon:

This year my birthday came and went

No call was made, no card was sent

But I got the snub you must have meant

This year my birthday came and went

Martha:

This year my birthday went and came

Last year what happened was the same

And your excuses sure are lame

This year my birthday went and came

Loudon:

Chicka-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa

Martha:

Chicka-wa-wa-wa-wa

Loudon:

Chicka-chicka-chicka-wa-wa-wa-wa Peter Frampton time!

Both:

Chicka-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wow

Both:

Sometimes I wonder

What you must think of me

Then I remember

It's you that you think of exclusively

Loudon:

I'm not gonna bow and scrape

Martha:

In every bunch there's one bad grape

Loudon:

I'm a little bit bent out of shape

But I'm not gonna bow and scrape

Martha:

I won't scrape or bow

Loudon:

Genuflect, beg or kowtow

Martha:

Just singing this song is fine for now

Loudon:

No, I'm not gonna scrape

Both:

Chicka-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wow