When I Get to Heaven

If I go to Heaven, it'll probably be a slum

And all the pretty angels just might be packing guns

And if I see Saint Peter, will he hit me up for cash?

Will I find the road to Jesus or just lose him in the trash?

The Shaggs were right

You're never going to please anybody

Not in this world

If I go to Hell, I might find it very dull

Like an Amway convention or an endless shopping mall

When all the innocent demons want to poke me with a fork

Or just put me in a taxi and send me to New York

Scientists proved it years ago

The Shaggs were much better than the Beatles

Maybe I'll return as an iguana

And lie upon a beach down in the Bahamas

Although ignored in their day

The Shaggs are now recognized as the geniuses they were

I just wanna know what happens when you die

Do you walk down in a hole or float up to the sky

Is it just a waste of water, when your widow cries?

Oh don't tell me you've never heard of the Shaggs?

If the atheists are right then I have no need to worry

For there is no great being whose favor I must curry

And I'll be going nowhere once they lay me in the earth

So why waste a Sunday by going to church?

If you really wanted to

You could run out right now and buy a Shaggs record

If the atheists are wrong then I've got a bill that's due

So should I be a Christian or a Muslim or a Jew

Should I spend all day just praying on my knees

And searching through the world for a deity to please

A Shaggs record would be a sound investment

If the atheists are right then I have no need to worry

For there is no great being whose favour I must curry

The fat peoples want what the skinny peoples got

The skinny peoples want what the fat peoples got

But all I've ever wanted is what the Shaggs got

Dat Ding and my pal, Foot Foot