Mama Sang Bass

When I was kid in my hometown

People would come from miles around

Just to get a job at the pharmaceutical factory

Making strong medicines of all descriptions

Now every time I get a new prescription

It brings a dose of old memories back to me

Now daddy was assigned to birth control pills

Breathing that air that was hormone-filled

And mama made bodybuilding steroids all day long

And when Sundays came, they sang in the choir

And even the angels had to admire

Make the hair stand up on the back of your neck when they sang a song

Mama sang bass, daddy sang tenor

You wouldn't think she had it in her

But her voice got deeper and deeper every week

Daddy sang tenor, mama sang bass

She had strength and he had grace

It's kind of like they traded places, so to speak

Well, the preacher said, "Folks, I recognize your talents

But you see, this choir's out of balance

And the bass sounds better when it's coming from the other side"

Well, mama's patience never was the greatest

And daddy wouldn't think of sitting with the ladies

So the only thing to do was give their hormones a ride

Now the factory was working on this DNA

That programs molecules in such a way

That anything wrong can sometimes be reversed

So they made 'em up a shot, put it in their veins

Waited all week 'til Sunday came

To see if that injection was a blessing or a curse

The media coverage was so intense

It made the OJ trial seem like a nonevent

The church was filled up to the brim

Just to hear that opening hymn, then

Mama sang bass, daddy sang tenor

She got stronger, he got thinner

That's what you get for trying too hard to please

Daddy sang tenor, mama sang bass

He makes dinner while she shaves her face

Now what else do you want to know about the birds and the bees?

You know I got a powerful urge to scratch and spit

I love to watch baseball

Baseball? Well, mama, you used to love to knit

What happened to that?

Knit? Let's go to the wrestling matches

Wrestling?

Let's arm wrestle

Oh no

Hey, you ain't got any red man on you, do you?

Red man?

I know, let's go cow tippin'

Cow tippin'?

Listen, ma, you just about wore ol' Bossy out now

Quiet, you might wake her up

Rock-a-bye, Bossy

Lord, have mercy

Run, Bossy, run