Sittin' Up with the Dead

Well out in the country, we didn't have mortuaries

And so it was always customary

For the undertaker to do his job

And lay your kin out right there at home

Well the church would loan ya foldin' chairs

And you'd have visitation and everything right there

But when the nighttime come you had to sit up with the dead

'cause it wasn't right to leave 'em alone

Well, the last time I sat up was '65

When my old arthritic Uncle Fred died

He was 97 and so stooped over the morticians couldn't straighten him out

They used a loggin' chain to hold him down

And covered that all up with a cape and a gown

And didn't tell nobody in the family

'cause that's the kind of stuff folks just don't want to know about

Well we were all sittin' there; it was 3 in the mornin'

And then there come up a cloud, a-thunder lightnin' and stormin'

Well, that lightnin' flashed and that thunder clapped

And that chain 'round old Uncle Fred went 'snap'

And rattled and fell to the floor with a thump

And Uncle Fred just sat right up!

And I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more

I don't know 'bout you

No, I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more

No matter what ya say or do

They say the dead can't hurt ya 'cause they already left

But what they left can sure make ya hurt yourself

And I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more

Since the dead started sittin' up too

Lord, have mercy!

Well when Uncle Fred sat up, so did everyone there

And there came a great partin' of the foldin' chairs

And that preacher nearly knocked me down, he said

"Oh, I'm headin' out that kitchen door!"

I said "Rev, that kitchen ain't got no door in it!"

He said "Don't worry son, it will have in a minute!"

And I ain't never seen so much jumpin' and shovin' before

And then somebody stepped on an old cat's tail

It let out a scream, a screech, a wail

And to say the least, that howl didn't help to calm the situation down

And then that lightnin' flashed and that house went black

And I spoke to my feets; I said "Boys, make tracks!"

And I went out that screen door lickety split for town!

Well I cut through the cemetary, fell in a hole

It was Uncle Fred's grave, and it was dark and cold!

Yeah, the town drunk dug it and he dug it too deep

And unbeknownst to me, he's still in there asleep

And I'm scratchin' and jumpin' tryin' to get out of that hole

And he woke up and said:

"You might as well come over here and sit down beside me, boy

'cause you ain't gettin' outta here tonight."

But I did!

And I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more

I don't know 'bout you

No, I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more

No matter what ya say or do

They say the dead can't hurt ya 'cause they already left

But what they left can sure make ya hurt yourself

And I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more

Since the dead started sittin' up too

Wasn't no sense in nobody sittin' up with Uncle Fred anyhow!

Uncle Fred done gonna be sittin' up with his OWN self

Next time, I'm just gonna send flowers! Yeah