Guilt for Christmas

I hate Christmas shopping

It really makes me wrecked

Especially when those gifts

Must be politically correct

Don't give a boy an army

That gun could make him vicious

Don't give a girl a doll with curls

She'll spend her whole life doing dishes

Gift giving is so complicated

It can warp the psyche

So I'm sticking with that old standby

That fits every little Marge and Mikey

I'm giving guilt this Christmas

Just like mother taught me

It's the best, it outlasts

Everything she ever bought me

Guilt is a gift that keeps on giving

Year in and year out

What is Christmas without something

To feel bad about

No shopping, wrapping, shipping, packing

Traffic at the mall

It goes with any color

One size fits all

My whole list gets some

There'll be no ommissions

Remember it's the thought that counts

It's a family tradition

(Deck the halls with melancholy!)

I'm giving guilt this Christmas

I've got it in the millions

I get it from my folks, my wife

And sometimes from my children

Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving

There seems to be no lack

I've been getting guilt for years

And this year they'll get it back

I've been getting guilt for years

And this year they'll get it all back

(I'm giving guilt for Christmas)