Xmas Has Been X'ed

[Verse 1]

It's funny how some fables became historic

When the authors clearly wrote them to be metaphoric

But people will believe anything if it's written

Especially in stone or ancient scroll

December 25th has been blacklisted

Since Dawkins found the proof Jesus never existed

It was the last thing anyone ever expected

Xmas has been X'd

[Chorus]

No colored lights, no shopping sprees

No more presents under dead trees

St. Nick is dead, but we don't grieve

We celebrate the last Christmas Eve

[Verse 2]

Jesuits are slowly turnin' Dianetic

Protestants increasingly become agnostic

Pentecostal churches are hanging pentagrams

Priests and nuns are molesting each other

Methodists and Baptists are claiming Buddhist

Evangelicals surprisingly are Nudist

But mostly everyone is trying to become Jew

'Cause Easter's canceled too

[Chorus]

No more egg hunts, no Sunday mass

Fridays are fair, Wednesdays don't ash

They canceled Lent and slowed down fast

Enjoy Christmas 'cause it's your last

No shopping sprees (Don't worry, son)

No more presents (We don't need Christ)

Under dead trees (We got eight nights)

St. Nick is dead (We got mitzvah)

But we don't grieve (The're all canceled)

We celebrate (Our Hanukkah)

The last Christmas Eve